Forgiveness

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Pastor Scott L. Harris

Grace Bible Church, NY

June 12, 2005

Forgiveness

Selected Scriptures

I had desired to continue on with the message on music in worship this morning, but of necessity I need to address a different topic. There are a couple of issues the church has been dealing with for quite sometime that are finally being brought to a conclusion, and because of that, I have also learned that there is confusion on the Biblical nature of admonition, confrontation, forgiveness, reconciliation and peace. I want to address those topics this morning especially in light of the fellowship that is supposed to exist in the church and the shepherding role that belongs to the church leaders.

One of the first things that each one of us must realize and come to grips with is that our future is full of spiritual danger, and even more so if we are not walking properly with our Lord. That is why Paul gives such strong warnings and commands to be prepared for it in Ephesians 6 by putting on the full armor of God. We are in a spiritual battle and must learn to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. Though Satan often uses people to carry out his schemes, the battle is not one of flesh and blood, but rather with what is behind it which are the rulers, powers, world forces of darkness and spiritual wickedness. We must have on the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. If any of these are missing, then we are a vulnerable target for the devil's lies, unrighteousness, discord, unbelief, doubt and empty philosophies.

All of us who have walked with the Lord any length of time are aware that these dangers come through our own sinful desires, the enticements of the world, and the temptations of our adversary. Like Paul in Romans 7, we know the struggle with our flesh and its desires as well as those of our eyes and our pride (1 John 2:16). We know the struggle to resist the pressure of the world to conform us into its image (Romans 12:2), and that our adversary, the devil, goes about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8).

Because of these dangers humble believers, wise Christians, will seek out other believers who can help them in their walk with Christ. They heed the many admonitions in Scripture to "Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days" (Prov. 19:20). They resist the temptation to go it alone or based just on their own thoughts, opinions and emotions for they know that "the way of a fool is right in his own eyes" (Prov. 12:15). Within the body of Christ, the church, Christians work together so that the whole body will mature. Believers patiently help those who are weak while encouraging the fainthearted and admonishing the unruly (1 Thess 5).

It is that last part that many will resist. We all like patience, help and encouragement, but most people do not like to be told they are wrong. The wise respond to rebuke with love for the one that corrected them while the proud respond with hate (Prov. 9:8). The wise know that those that heed instruction and give serious regard to correction will benefit, grow and eventually attain honor (Prov. 13:18). The proud fool despises wisdom and instruction (Prov. 1:7), and instead goes their own way reaping trouble for himself and causing harm to others (Prov. 1:32; 10:1,8,14,21; 13:20; 14:1; etc). Because such people are so resistive to admonition and react so badly to it, most people will not rebuke them. That is why I refer to the Scriptural commands to "admonish one another" (Romans 15:14; Colossians 1:28; 3:16; 1 Thess. 5:14) as the "difficult one another." It is something that should be part of common life among Christians, but more often than not, it is left for the leaders to do.

But that brings up another danger. For church leaders not only do have a responsibility in correcting those who sin so that they might walk in righteousness, they also have a responsibility to protect the rest of the flock from those that show themselves to be dangerous. Warnings of this danger are also seen throughout the New Testament. In Acts 20:28-30 Paul warned the Ephesian Elders "Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood. 29 "I know that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; 30 and from among your own selves men will arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after them." 2 Peter 2:1-3 warns about false prophets and false teachers that will secretly introduce destructive heresies, would cause the way of truth to be maligned, and would exploit others. 1 John 2:18-19 warns about "antichrists" that went out from them because they were not really of them.

While wolves, false teachers and antichrists are the extremes, they are present and real dangers to the church. They are not hard to find on so called "Christian TV and radio" (there are good teachers out there, but there are also heretics), and we have had to deal with wolves that arose from our own elders in the past. But there are also others that may not quite get those titles, but they are a danger none the less, and shepherds must protect the flock from them. In Titus 3:9-11 Paul instructed Titus to "shun foolish controversies and genealogies and strife and disputes about the Law; for they are unprofitable and worthless. 10 Reject a factious man after a first and second warning, 11 knowing that such a man is perverted and is sinning, being self-condemned." Paul warned in Romans 16:17,18, "Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them. 18 For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting." These men are to be "marked" (KJV & YLT) or "noted" (NKJV).

These are important instructions to consider and heed, and even more so in our society in which not just tolerance, but acceptance of others has become the supreme virtue. Discernment is thrown out and such dangerous people are welcomed instead of rebuked, warned against and avoided. How well our age fits Paul's warning in 2 Tim. 4:3,4 that "the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but [wanting] to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires; 4 and will turn away their ears from the truth, and will turn aside to myths"

In our own time, it seems like it is not the wolves, false teachers, antichrists or the factious that are rebuked and admonished, but rather the shepherds who are doing the warning. The church leaders are the ones criticized and denounced for being "insensitive," "intolerant," "unloving" and "unforgiving." Such are the accusations that have been made against myself and the other church leaders. Insensitive? Perhaps. I am sure there are always more tactful ways to say things, but our real insensitivity has been not to more quickly perceive the danger certain people have been. Intolerant? No, if there is a failure in this area it has been in being too tolerant and not raising the shepherd's crook sooner to protect the sheep. Unloving? Only in the sense that our rebukes did not come sooner with more strength. Chastening is a sign of love, not hate (Hebrews 12:6; Prov. 13:24). Unforgiving? Not at all, but there seems to be a lot of confusion about the nature of forgiveness and its results. For that reason I want to spend the rest of this morning talking with you about forgiveness, reconciliation and peace.

Forgiveness

It's Need

We need to learn to forgive one another because conflicts are inevitable in this life, and without forgiveness those conflicts will hinder, damage and destroy the loving relationships we are to have with one another. Conflicts are inevitable because even simple differences of opinion and purpose cause frustration, hindrance or even blockage of the goals or desires of others. Paul and Barnabas got into a conflict that split their missions team over a difference of opinion about taking John Mark with them (Acts 15:38,39). Add sin to this mix and conflicts can become explosive. James 4:1-3 tells us that the root of quarreling and conflict is our selfishness and envy. The Corinthian church was even fractured over how people were using their spiritual gifts. Conflicts can even come from simple misunderstandings. How many of us have not had an argument with someone only to find out we actually both agreed, but had misunderstood what the other person was trying to say.

It's Attitude

Forgiveness arises from love. A love for God, and a love for other people. Only love seeks the good of the other person and values the relationship because of that. Without love, relationships are only something to be manipulated in order to achieve your own selfish desires. There is no basis of true forgiveness in that.

Because of the Christian's love for God, they seek out a relationship with Him and desire to remove any obstacle to that relationship. Since God is always right, any conflict with Him requires us to confess our sins to Him and thereby receive His forgiveness and cleansing (1 John 1:9). Forgiveness "signifies the remission of the punishment due to sinful conduct" (Vines), and God grants forgiveness because of His love for us, a love proven in that God Himself paid the price needed to satisfy His justice, so that we could be adopted as His sons. That is why Jesus, God the Son, became a man, lived a sinless life, then willingly died on the cross as a substitute payment for our sin. His resurrection from the dead proved the acceptance of the sacrifice and the truth of His promises to forgive those that place their faith in Him. In Christ we can be forgiven.

When it comes to people, there is plenty of sin for all parties involved, and for that reason, forgiveness also requires humility. Jesus addressed this in Matthew 7:3-5 when He commanded us to take the log out of our own eye before we tried to take the speck out of our brother's eye. Paul expands on this in Galatians 6:1-5 saying that in seeking to restore an erring brother it is to be done in a spirit of gentleness while also looking to yourself, lest you be tempted. That humility allows more give and take between humans in the quest to find a resolution to the conflict that will glorify our Lord. Christians are to walk in humility (Phil. 2; 1 Peter 5:5) and be willing to forgive (Luke 17:3,4).

It's Goal

The goal of love, and the forgiveness that arises out of it, is not just the end of the conflict, but the reconciliation of the relationships damaged by the conflict. The quest is for true peace and unity, not just the end of current hostilities. Peace is one of the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22), and we are to pursue peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart (2 Tim. 2:22). Believers are to be of one mind and live in peace (2 Cor. 13:11).

That is another reason that humility is required. Paul explains in Philippians 2:3,4 that we are to have the same attitude of humility that existed in Christ Jesus who set aside the glories of Heaven in order to become a man and redeem us at Calvary. If Jesus did that, then we can certainly follow His example and "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not [merely] look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." It is this humility of mind resulting in caring for others more than self that allows believers to live in peace and harmony. Without this humility, any forgiveness offered or received will only be the peace of a truce and not the peace of reconciliation and unity. It should be emphasized that God wants Christians to be reconciled to one another (Matt. 5:24), and live in unity and peace (Eph. 4:3; Col. 3:14).

It's Offering

One of the great fallacies currently in vogue, is that the Christian is to forgive unconditionally and unilaterally. This is the idea that the one offended in a conflict is to forgive the offender without requiring anything from him and that this done even without the offenders participation. This idea takes root because it is partly true in the sense that all Christians are commanded in numerous Scriptures to forgive, and there can be an unconditional and unilateral aspect to forgiveness in certain respects and situations. However, it is also of necessity conditional and bilateral in other respects and situations.

On the unilateral side, Christians are to individually be willing to forgive. Jesus' answer to Peter's question about how many times he should forgive someone was "seventy times seventy" (Matt. 18:21-35). If we are unwilling to forgive others, then our Heavenly Father will not forgive us (Matt. 6:15; 18:35). Those who are merciful receive mercy (Matt. 5:7), but those who are not, do not receive it themselves (James 2:13). Are you willing to forgive?

On the unilateral side, an individual can choose to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11 states, "A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression." Sometimes that is done to avoid something worse happening as Proverbs 17:14 warns, "The beginning of strife is [like] letting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out." Hopefully, for the Christian at least, it is because it is the application of love to the situation. 1 Peter 4:8 tells us, "Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Cor. 13:5 describes this aspect of love as "not taking into account a wrong suffered" (NAS). This is how we deal with people with all the minor irritations of daily life. This is easier for those who are less sensitive to personal offences. Those who are sensitive to such offenses work harder at it, for they must consciously set aside the transgression.

As the nature of the offense increases, the ability to unilaterally handle it decreases. The necessity for the offender to be involved in the forgiveness increases. If the conflict is causing your relationship to be strained and it is uncomfortable to be around the person, then you probably need to talk with them and try to work things out. Just discussing it may quickly resolve any issues or misunderstandings, or you may find though your relationship was strained, it is actually of such a minor nature that you choose to unilaterally overlook the offense without any action on the part of the offender.

However, you may find that it is of a more serious nature in which there is a breakage of some kind in the relationship. From this point on, forgiveness is no longer unilateral. It will take work on the part of both parties to repair the relationship. Ideally, the matters are resolved so that the needed apologies, forgiveness and reconciliation take place between both parties. However, though the Christian is to be willing to forgive, unless that forgiveness is accepted, the relationship remains broken with its subsequent consequences.

Many years ago before I was a pastor, I loaned some money to an ill co-worker. Her illness continued and so her financial condition got even worse. I finally told her told her to forget about it and that I forgave the debt, but she continued to insist she had to pay it back. However, her guilt over not being able to do so caused her to start avoiding me, then later shunning me. I forgave her, but she did not accept it, and so the relationship was destroyed. A broken relationship requires forgiveness to be a transaction between both parties.

Tragically, some issues and disagreements may only be able to resolved to the point of a mutually agreeable settlement of the differences through an exchange of promises. That is what occurred with Jacob and Laban in Genesis 31 and the setting up of a pillar as a reminder to them both not pass it to cause harm to the other one. That was not true reconciliation, but it did remove the quest for revenge and bring civility back into their relationship with each other. At the end of Acts 15 we find that the only agreement Paul and Barnabas could end up with over Barnabas' cousin, Mark, was to go their separate ways, but later we find that there had to be a reconciliation, for Paul asks for Mark to be brought to him because he was of useful service (2 Tim. 4:11).

It's Requirements

As the conflict moves into the areas of sin against you (Mt. 18:15) or another (1 Cor. 5:1-8), or you catch the person in a trespass (Gal. 6:1), which could include any sin, then confrontation becomes necessary. It can no longer be just overlooked. There are steps to this confrontation. Ideally this should be personal (Mt. 18:15), but Paul had to do this by letter in 1 Cor. 5. If there is no resolution, then it escalates and others are also brought in to establish the facts (Mt. 18:16), and since the goal here is to "win the brother," it is bringing others who will help resolve the issues and bring about reconciliation. There is a mediatorial aspect to what they should be doing. Paul asked Clement and an unnamed comrade in Philippi to help Euodia and Syntyche resolve their conflict (Phil. 4:2,3). Galatians 6:1 uses the plural pronoun to describe who should be involved in restoring someone caught in a trespass. This should not be just a couple of your buddies going to back you up in your confrontation. Here at Grace Bible Church we ask that one or more of our church leaders be involved at this step and require that if it moves to the next step, which is telling the church so that even more people can be involved in trying to bring about a resolution and reconciliation (Mt. 18:17). If the person refuses to listen to the church, then they are to be as a Gentile and a tax-gatherer. They are no longer treated as fellow Christians. That is the final step of what is commonly known as church discipline, but church discipline starts with a simple confrontation over a conflict of some type. It only precedes to the next step when there no resolution. It is done out of love for the one in sin in the same way that it is out of love that we discipline our children.

There are those that advocate that even at this level that forgiveness is to be unconditional. That is simply not true. While we are to be willing to forgive, there are conditions that must be met for it to be offered and accepted. Jesus said in Luke 17:2, 3 "Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 "And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' forgive him."

Repentance is not a popular topic in modern American Christianity, but it is still a Biblical one. Repentance, metanoevw / metanoe�, is a change in one's mind or purpose with the mind referring to the seat of moral reflection. A change in mind that does not result in a change in action is not really a change of mind. In the New Testament the word is always used as a change for the better in reference from sin. Repentance is a recognition of and turning away from sin.

Some have cited Ephesians 4:32 as proof that forgiveness is to be unconditional - "And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Well, let's consider how God in Christ has forgiven you? Was it unilateral and unconditional? Certainly it was unilateral from the stand point of its offer, for man does not seek it on his own, for apart from the work of the Holy Spirit, no man seeks after God at all (Rom. 3:11,12). It is also unconditional in the sense that the cost required for it to be offered has been paid by Jesus Himself on the cross. It was Jesus blood poured out that paid the price needed for the forgiveness of sin (Matt. 26:28; Eph. 1:7; Col. 1:14). We cannot earn God's forgiveness in any manner. Not through works, not through penance, not through restitution.

However, forgiveness is certainly not unilateral or unconditional in its application, otherwise all people are forgiven and Hell will be empty except for the devil and his demons. But 2 Thess. 8,9 says the Lord will "deal out retribution to those who do not know God and to those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. And these will pay the penalty of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of His power." Or as Hebrews 2:3 rhetorically asks, "how shall we escape if we neglect so great a salvation?" The offer of forgiveness of sins, which is universal, and receiving forgiveness of sins, which is not, are two different things. In addition, we find that there are conditions on receiving forgiveness from God. Salvation is conditional, not universal.

In Luke 24:46,47 Jesus said, "Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and rise again from the dead the third day; and that repentance for forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in His name to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem." Repentance, as we saw earlier, is a condition of forgiveness. There must be a change of mind in regards to sin and the Savior. There also should be fruit in keeping with that repentance (Mt. 3:8; Acts 2:38).

In Acts 10:43 Peter proclaims of Jesus that "all the prophets bear witness that through His name everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins." God's forgiveness demands a belief in the truth about person and work of Jesus Christ. This includes His deity, humanity, sinlessness, substitutionary sacrifice, and resurrection

1 John 1:9 - "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." This verse also applies to Christians. We must agree with God that He is right and we are wrong.

When conflict causes a breakage in a relationship, then that relationship cannot be reconciled without proper forgiveness, and that forgiveness requires both parties to come to agreement. Sin and selfishness may preclude that from happening, but we are to strive to be at peace with all men so far as it depends on us (Rom. 12:8).

It should also be pointed out that forgiveness is to be sought in every direction. By that I mean that both parties in a conflict are responsible before God to seek a reconciliation. The one who is offended should seek out the one who caused the offense (Mt. 18:15, Gal. 6:1; etc), and when you know someone has taken offense by you, you are to seek them out, for your worship is hindered until you do (Matt. 5:23-24).

Final Comments

This has not been an exhaustive study on forgiveness and reconciliation, but it has presented some of the basics while trying to correct some of the current major false teachings.

The goal for the Christian is to resolve conflicts and bring about reconciliation. It is a sad fact that in this sinful world, that will not always be possible even among fellow believers, but we are to strive for it never-the-less as much as it depends on us. The two key elements for forgiveness and reconciliation to happen are 1) A focus on the glory of God, and 2) Personal humility.

When the central question is "How can I show my love for the Lord and glorify Him in this situation?" most conflicts will quickly resolve, because most conflicts arise out of selfishness.

When both parties are personally humble, it is much easier to work through conflict. The one offended should not seek revenge, for that belongs to the Lord (Rom. 12:16-21). They should examine themselves to see how they added to the conflict and quickly confess those things and seek forgiveness for them. They should be ready to forgive, but also clear and honest about what will be needed to reconcile (restore trust). They should be prayerful, and they should remember that the enemy is Satan, not the offender.

Humility in the offender is seen by the marks of contrition. An open (non-defensive) and honest attitude about what they have done. Accepting full responsibility for what they have done. Does not continue in what they have done (or at least works hard not to repeat it). Willingly works through any steps needed to restore trust. Makes restitution where necessary. Accepts accountability from others as needed.

Follow David's example in Psalm 51, the classic passage of true repentance for sin.

May each of us, whether the offender or the offended, learn to quickly reconcile when there is a conflict that our God may be glorified by this practical demonstration of love and humility. That is what the heart that truly wants to worship God will do.

Sermon Study Sheets

Forgiveness - Selected Scriptures

A Spiritual War - (Ephesians 6:10-18: 1 Peter 5:8)

Battle against the flesh, pride, world (Rom.7:14-25; 12:2; 1 Jn 2:15,16)

We need the body, accountability ( Prov. 19:20; 9:8; 13:18)

Fools reject wisdom, rebuke (Prov.1:7,32; 10:1,8,14,21; 13:20)

Admonish one another (Rom.15:14; Col.1:28; 3:16; 1 Thess. 5:14)

Dangerous leaders & People

Wolves - Acts 20:28-30;

False teachers - 2 Peter 2:1-3

Anti-Christs - 1 John 2:18-19

The Factious - Titus 3:9-11; Romans 16:17,18

Ear ticklers & Fickle People - 2 Tim. 4:3,4 -

Love disciplines - Hebrews 12:6; Prov. 13:24

It's Need

Conflicts are inevitable

Acts 15:38,39

James 4:1-3

It's Attitude

Forgiveness arises from love

Humble - Matthew 7:3-5; Phil. 2; 1 Peter 5:5

Always willing - Luke 17:3,4

It's Goal

Peace & Unity - Gal.5:22; 2 Tim. 2:22; 2 Cor. 13:11; Phil. 2:1-4

 

Obedience to God - Matt. 5:24; Eph. 4:3; Col. 3:14

It's Offering

Matt. 18:21-35; Matt. 6:15; 18:35; Matt. 5:7; James 2:13

Unilateral & Unconditional - Minor offences

Proverbs 19:11; 17:14; 1 Peter 4:8; 1 Cor. 13:5

Bilateral when relationships broken

Genesis 31; Acts 15 (cf. 2 Tim.4:11)

It's Requirements

Confrontation when sin occurs against you - Mt. 18:15; others -1 Cor. 5:1-8; any trespass - Gal. 6:1

Steps

Personal - in person (Mt. 18:15), by letter (1 Cor. 5)

Mediator involved; establish facts - Matt. 18:16; Gal. 6:1 Example - Phil. 4:2,3

Tell the Church - Matthew 18:17

Let them be as a Gentile and tax-gatherer- Matthew 18:17

Repentance - Luke 17:2,3

As God has forgiven us - Ephesians 4:32

Unilateral in offer - Rom. 3:11,12; Mt. 26:28; Eph.1:7; Col. 1:14

Offer accepted - 2 Thess. 8, 9; Hebrews 2:3

Repentance - Luke 24:46,47

Proper belief - Acts 10:43

Confession - 1 John 1:9

Seek Peace - Rom. 12:8

Seek Reconciliation whether offended (Mt. 18:15), offender (Mt. 5:23,24), or spiritually qualified observer (Gal. 6:1)

Focus on God's Glory - "How can I show my love for the Lord and glorify Him in this situation?"

 

Be Humble

Do not seek revenge - Romans 12:16-21

Examine yourself - Matt. 7:5; Gal. 6:1-4

Be clear and honest

Be prayerful

Be contrite / repentant

Accept responsibility, accountability, consequences

Remember that Satan is the enemy.

Follow David's example - Psalm 51