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Pastor Scott L. Harris
Grace Bible Church, NY
August 25, 2024
Marriage: Communication Skills – 6: Causes of Conflict, C
Behavior Issues – Selected Scriptures
Review
◘ We will continue this morning examining the causes of conflict and how to prevent and resolve them. I have pointed out for several weeks that good communication skills go a long way in avoiding the misunderstandings that are the cause of so many conflicts, so do the necessary work to learn and practice good communication skills (See: Effective Communication and Edifying Content).
I have also used this diagram modified from the workbook for “Before you say, ‘I Do,’” by Norm Wright as a quick way to show the various responses to conflict depending on the relationship between the value you place on the relationship and the value placed on the issue in the conflict. High values for both move you to resolve it. Low values for both result in withdraw. High value for the relationship and low value on the issue results in a yield. If the issue is much more important then the relationship you go for the win. Most conflicts will be in the area of compromise in which neither party to the conflict is completely satisfied, but the compromise is within the range of acceptability to both.
◘ How you respond to a conflict depends on your values and priorities, and the the better you know Him and His will then the better those will match the Lord’s. The godliness in your manner and attitude in a conflict increases as you mature in walking with the Lord. (See: Resolving Conflict)
◘ The root cause of all conflict and the foolishness it brings to life is sin which manifests itself in a multiplicity of ways. Pride is the original sin and one of the three major areas in which we can be tempted. Pride aggravates conflict whenever it is present.
◘ The solution to pride is humility which is also a necessary element in the solution to sin which is repentance to believe on the person and work of the Lord Jesus Christ and to follow Him.
I have already covered knowledge issues that are often foundations for conflict. These include being ignorant, naive, receiving foolish counsel and pursuing foolishness. ◘The solution to issues related to lack of knowledge and being naive is to gain knowledge of the truth and follow it which will also help defend against foolish counsel, but you also need to develop close friendships with wise, godly people to be your confidants, counselors and encouragers. ◘Withdraw from those who pursue foolishness for as Proverbs 13:20 both commends and warns, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (See: Causes of Conflict – Issues of Knowledge)
I also have covered conflicts caused by character issues such as being selfish, self-righteous, stubborn, critical, quarrelsome and wicked. ◘The solution to all of these begins with humility that results in repentance from sin and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ resulting in His righteousness being imputed to you. This continues on in walking in the Spirit in obedience to Christ as His disciple. This will result in the development of the opposite traits – selfless, reasonable, encourager, peace-maker, good. Your standards are set according to God’s word instead of man’s musings. You put into practice 1 Thessalonians 5:14, “We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” (See: Causes of Conflict – Character issues)
◘Introduction
This morning we will continue to look at causes of conflict and their solutions related to character traits and then continue on to look at issues related to behavior. This week that will include Temperamental, Harsh, Hateful, Demanding, Contention, Nagging and Manipulative. Next week we will look at being Neglectful, Indifferent, Unfair, Indiscrete, Shameful and Unfaithful.
◘ Keep in mind that all behaviors originate from what you think and believe. That is why Jesus warned in Mark 7:21–23, 21 “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, 22 deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. 23 “All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.” Solutions to behavior must go beyond just changing the behavior to changing the heart from which the behavior arises.
◘Demanding, Contention & Nagging
Demanding, contention and nagging go together for nagging is simply the continued repeating of the demand. ◘In mature relationships and in marriages following God’s design, demanding and nagging would not be a problem and there would not be contention. You would be able to express your desires or even respectfully argue your point without demanding. In fact, in such a world your spouse would be asking about what you would like before you even said anything because the nature of a godly marriage is to please one another rather than self. Arguing would be the exchange of reason and evidence to come to a wise and mutual decision instead of winning a debate victory. There would not be contention even when there are strong differences of opinion. Demanding, contention and nagging are contrary to such maturity. They are not even mature ways of communication. ◘They are rooted in selfishness.
Now in saying this, I am trying to make a distinction between expressing your desires, presenting the reasons for your opinion and reminding someone about something and being demanding, contentious and nagging. Your motivation makes the difference. ◘If you are looking out for the best interest of others as we are commanded to do (Phil. 2:3-4), you will be humble, gentle and kind in what you say and how you say it. You will speak the truth in love. If you are selfish, you will go down the path of sin and that will come out in how you express yourself. The problem for most of us is that our motivations are often mixed. You may well want what is best for your spouse, but you also want what you want too. ◘It can take conscious effort to set aside your selfishness and do what is best for your spouse, family or friend. How much you demand and nag are indicators of how well you are doing at being the husband, wife or friend that God wants you to be.
Let me give you an example to illustrate some of this. One of your children is in a school performance and you have both agreed that both of you should be there for it. You notice that it is about time to get ready to go, but your spouse is obviously distracted working on something. A loving spouse will give a gentle reminder of some sort. “Honey, just in case you were not aware of the time, we will we need to leave in an hour.” Or you may add something like, “would you like to get your shower first or should I?” Or perhaps add an offer to help. “Is there something I can do to help so that you can get ready.” Such communication is motived by an unselfish desire to be helpful. Contrast that to the demands made by someone who is selfish. “Honey, we have to leave in an hour, so stop that and go get ready.” This is followed up by a reminder every 5 to 10 minutes of the approaching deadline. If they are more honest, they will add the phrase, “I don’t want to be late,” to their demand. The tone of the demand and the nagging provokes contention. It could also be a mixture. The first communication is kind, but as time passes the reminders become more demanding and contentious.
◘ Proverbs has quite a few verses about contentious nagging. These tend to describe the more extreme cases, but that does not mean that moderate or occasional episodes of it cannot also cause serious damage to a relationship. For example, Proverbs 19:13 states, “A foolish son is destruction to his father, And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping.” The more foolish the son, the more destruction to the father, but destruction of any type can be serious. In the same way a contentious wife is compared to a constant dripping. The more contentious, the more irritating, and Proverbs 27:15-16 tells us this is not an easy problem to fix. “15 A constant dripping on a day of steady rain And a contentious woman are alike; 16 He who would restrain her restrains the wind, And grasps oil.”
Why is this so damaging to marriage and other close relationships? What do you do if you have a dripping faucet? You try to find some way to get it to stop, and that will progresses from temporary fixes to permanent fixes or replacement.
◘ Yielding to the nagging is always only a temporary fix. If the underlying problem is not corrected and it continues, a more permanent fix is sought which Proverbs 21:9 describes, “It is better to live in a corner of a roof, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” This Proverb does not advocate isolation within the family, but it is what often happens in marriages in which there is continued contention. The Proverb singles out the woman not because women are necessarily more contentious, for as Proverbs 26:21 explains, men can also be contentious; “[Like] charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife.” However, women tend to be more centered on the relationship and so they will continue to work at it while men will tend to abandon it just to get some peace. Hence the idea of it being better to have the peace that comes in living in a corner of the roof in isolation than share the normal living quarters with someone who is contentious.
◘ The problem can get worse as described in Proverbs 21:19, “It is better to live in a desert land, Than with a contentious and vexing woman.” When I lived in California, I was counseling a couple in which the wife was quite contentious and the man had only recently become a Christian. He came in one day to talk with me after finding this Proverb in his Bible reading. He was very serious and wanted to know if this meant he could move out alone to the Mojave Desert. I told him that though I sympathized with him, the Proverb did not give him freedom to do that. He understood its point and would have gladly traded green grass for sand, shade trees for sage brush, and a cool breeze for hot, dry desert air in order to get away from his contentious and vexing wife. As one person quipped, bachelors have no idea what married bliss is, but that is also true of a lot of husbands. Don’t let that be true in your home. “The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.”
◘ What is the solution? Since the root of these things is selfishness, the solution is to become unselfish which in turn takes you right back to the necessity of humility which is the foundation for all unselfish behavior. As Philippians 2:3-8 commands us Christians, “3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; 4 do not [merely] look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, [and] being made in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Jesus is the example of humility and sacrificial love that should also be characteristic of our lives.
If you tend toward being demanding, contentious and nagging, then humble yourself and consider the other person as more important than yourself. Look for how you can serve instead of being served; for how you can give instead of receive; for how you can be a blessing to others instead of a curse.
◘ If you live with such a person, then continue to be humble and patient yourself. Do not respond in like manner but show the way by your example. Ladies, continue to be chaste and respectful. Men, continue to love sacrificially following Jesus’ example. Set your goal to glorify God regardless of what foolishness you may have to endure at the hands of your spouse.
◘Temperamental, Harsh & Hateful
Add wickedness to the mix of pride, self-righteousness and selfishness I talked about last week and the result is temperamental, harsh and even hateful. Nagging is bad enough, but the temperamental person is much worse. Complaining is irritating enough, but when it is done harshly it is much worse. Quarreling can be damaging enough, but when it is hateful, it can cause injury that is difficult to heal. Do not allow wickedness to characterize you in anyway. All of these are sure ways to destroy a home.
◘ When it comes to temper, Proverbs 29:11 sets the contrast, “A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back.” How fast you lose your temper is an indicator of how foolish you are. Proverbs 14:29, “He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly.”
A hot temper invariably results in saying things that should not be said in a way that should not be expressed, and when you give others a piece of your mind, you have less left with which to function. The result is a harshness that only aggravates the situation. Proverbs 29:22, “An angry man stirs up strife, And a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression.” It could also result in hatred which also stirs up strife (Proverbs 10:12).
◘ The wise understand that the most important time to hold their temper is when the other person has already lost theirs. Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger,” and Proverbs 15:18, “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, But the slow to anger pacifies contention.” A wise person understands that if they are right, they can afford to keep their temper, and if they are wrong, they cannot afford to lose it.
◘ However, even if your spouse is wise and so is a kind, patient and loving individual who is willing to cover over your transgressions, a hot temper, harshness or hatred can still destroy the relationship. That love can be worn down so that isolation is sought. Proverbs 15:17, “Better is a dish of vegetables where love is, Than a fattened ox and hatred with it.” They may still love and cover over your transgressions, but they will seek out solitude and peace by avoiding you. It is not uncommon for those married to such contentious and harsh spouses to stay longer at work, spend more time away from home with friends, hobbies or even volunteer work, and when home, find some other room to be in than with you.
◘ What is the solution? If you are married to such a harsh person, then you have to commit yourself to fulfilling your God given role in the marriage and glorify God in the midst of it while striving to make the best of it. That could be very difficult, yet there is still success and fulfillment in pleasing God even if the marriage is not according to God’s design or what you had hoped.
◘ If you are such a harsh person, then the solution begins with repentance. Recognize your sin and turn from it to follow Jesus. You will need a change of heart before there will be a change of action. That change of heart begins by turning from sin to the savior and then learning to walk with Him. You are then transformed by the renewing of your mind which occurs as you learn God’s word and follow it. One of the functions of the church is to help you with that as part of the Great Commission in “teaching them to observe all that I commanded you.” If you need personal help with that, then see me or one of our church leaders so we can direct you to the counseling, discipleship or Bible study that will assist you in living as a new creation in the Lord Jesus Christ.
◘Manipulative
To manipulate is to control or influence cleverly or unscrupulously. The origin of this foolish behavior is selfishness often with some pride. ◘Manipulation may be done in the effort to get what you want or avoid what you don’t want. In either case, manipulation chips away at the trust that is needed for good relationships and a godly marriage. Manipulation often includes purposeful efforts to mislead such as withholding pertinent information and lying. That is contrary to the honesty that is needed in healthy relationships.
◘ In a good marriage, the husband and wife will freely share their thoughts and opinions openly and honestly in the effort to come to the wisest decisions possible for the family. Proverbs 12:5 reminds us that “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” In a good marriage, that wise counsel starts with the spouse. A husband that does not seek the counsel of his wife plays into the hands of foolishness. A wife that operates independent of her husband or uses her counsel to her husband to manipulate him also plays into the hands of foolishness.
◘ Manipulation hinders finding the best decision because its selfish quest is to bring about the desired decision. It is the proud and foolish that are wise in their own eyes and think what they want and their way is always the best decision. As Proverbs 26:12 warns, “Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” You have to have enough humility to at least gather all the information and then give it all due consideration in order to make a wise decision. Proverbs 18:13 states, “He who gives an answer before he hears, It is folly and shame to him.” That is true not only of the person that makes a decision before getting counsel, but also the one that may physically hear what others say, but does not actually listen to what others say. Their minds are too busy thinking of what they are going to say next to pay attention to what is actually being said.
◘ Manipulation is also foolish because it damages the foundations of trust and structure for making honest, well informed mutual decisions that are needed to support a healthy home. Politically correct speech calls such manipulation “spin” or “disinformation,” but God calls it deceit and lying.
◘ Proverbs 4 describes a father directing his son to be wise and put a deceitful mouth and devious lips far from him (Proverbs 4:24) because as Proverbs 12:20 states “Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil.” Proverbs 12:17 tells us that deceit is the mark of a false witness and Proverbs 14:8 says it is the folly of fools. I hope you understand that it is deceitful to purposely withhold information in the effort to get what you want. I am not referring to emphasizing what supports your point of view. That is a common and proper practice in persuasion. I am referring to purposely ignoring valid counter arguments and purposely withholding information that could have a negative effect upon the desired outcome. Let me give you a couple of examples.
An opportunity has come up to do something you would really like to do. It could be going out to do something fun for the evening, or perhaps get away for a couple of days, or perhaps something you have wanted for a long time that has gone on sale and you want to purchase it. Since it will involve your spouse or have an impact on the family budget you will need to talk it over. In that discussion there is nothing wrong with emphasizing the reasons for taking advantage of the opportunity. However, what if an unexpected large bill also came in the mail that day, or you were aware that your washing machine just broke, or a meeting was changed and now conflicts with your desired plans? Any of these have the strong potential to block you from getting what you want. If you purposely ignore them or withhold the information in the discussion, then it is deceitful manipulation. Tragically, such deceit is a common practice fueled by selfishness.
◘ Let me add that the use of such deceit even in the effort to avoid hurting someone is not wise and neither is it the mark of a true friend. Proverbs 27:6 states “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” The immediate hurt you might avoid through manipulation may well turn out to allow a lot more hurt to occur in the future because the needed correction was not made. As a pastor I have had to deal with the tragic results of this in counseling people. Ignoring and hiding the problems when they were small allowed them to grow into monsters. One of the worst cases was a wife that hid from her husband what she knew about the actual behavior of their teenage daughter because she did not want to upset him. He only found out after there was a pregnancy.
◘ Ephesians 4:15, 25 commands us to lay aside falsehood and speak the truth in love. Ephesians 4:29 adds that we are to say what is “good for edification according to the need [of the moment,] that it may give grace to those who hear.” We are not to be deceitful, but at the same time, we are to have the proper motivation and are to be careful in how we say things. We are truthful, but not brutal. We will be loving and kind even when we have to say things that may be hard to hear and cause hurt.
Deceitful manipulation is a sledge hammer that puts holes in the walls of the home, but outright lying is even worse. It is a wrecking ball against the structure of the home and a jack hammer on the foundation. ◘ And be warned as well that deceit easily slides into lying. Both Psalm 109:2 and 120:2 join the two together, and flattery is a combination of the two. Flattery is deceitful in withholding what is negative while emphasizing what is positive until it distorts it beyond truth into a lie. Proverbs 26:28 shows the relationship and common results of flattery and lying, “A lying tongue hates those it crushes, And a flattering mouth works ruin.” Flattery uses deceit and lies to lure its victims into its trap as stated in Proverbs 29:5, “A man who flatters his neighbor Is spreading a net for his steps.” Proverbs gives several warnings about the flattery of the seductress and adulteress because of this (Proverbs 2:16; 7:5, 21).
◘ Lying has become normal in our culture. We even have games in which lying is a skill needed to win, but lying is a serious issue with God. A lying tongue is one of the six things Proverbs 6:16-19 states that God hates and Proverbs 12:22 specifically states lying is “an abomination to the Lord.” Some of Jesus’ strongest rebukes of those who were in opposition to Him was that they were liars because they showed the same nature as the devil, whom He called their father, because the devil is a liar by nature and the father of lies (Jn 8:44-45).
◘People think they can get what they want by lying, but what they actually get is trouble. Proverbs 14:5 states that “he who speaks lies is treacherous.” Proverbs 21:6 adds, “The getting of treasures by a lying tongue Is a fleeting vapor, the pursuit of death.” The contrast in Proverbs 12:19 is stark, “Truthful lips will be established forever, But a lying tongue is only for a moment.” Liars will be punished as stated in Proverbs 19:5, “A false witness will not go unpunished, And he who tells lies will not escape” with verse 9 adding that liars “will perish.” Revelation 21:8 is specific that liars are excluded from heaven and instead will be cast into the “lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”
◘ Lying is extremely harmful to the family because it destroys the trust that is foundational for all proper relationships. Even simple business transactions require that we have some level of trust that the product or service being offered will accomplish its stated purpose. When truth, integrity and honor were hallmarks of the American character, business transactions were done on the basis of a simple handshake. That is the way my dad did business while I was growing up. Personal integrity, such as described in Psalm 15:4, “He swears to his own hurt, and does not change,” demanded that you would keep your promise even when plans went awry and you ended up losing on the transaction. The reason there are long contracts now and teams of lawyers to enforce them is because we no longer trust each other. As personal integrity has declined the amount of work to verify a claim and hold someone to their promise has increased. Trust in business relationships is important. Trust in a family is even more important.
◘ The very first characteristic described in Proverbs 31 in explaining why the excellent wife was worth far above jewels is that “The heart of her husband trusts in her.” The rest of the passage continues on to explain the other characteristics that give her such high value, and all of them are also direct reasons her husband could trust her. She is trustworthy because she is also good, industrious, prudent, diligent, attentive, a hard worker, compassionate, confident, dignified, wise and watchful which is why she was honored by her children, respected by her husband and acclaimed by the community. (See: Proverbs on the Family, Part 2).
◘ We find that being trustworthy is emphasized in a similar way in Psalm 15 which explains the characteristics of the godly man who could abide in the Lord’s tabernacle and dwell on His holy hill. Each character trait is related to being trustworthy beginning with walking in integrity. Working righteousness and speaking truth in his heart are the foundations of that integrity. The rest of the Psalm gives further explanation of this man’s character traits of integrity, righteousness and truthfulness which could be summarized in saying he is godly in his treatment of other people.
◘ Trust is crucial in a family. I would even venture to say that it is the critical characteristic for without the ability to trust everything else begins to crumble. If a man is not trustworthy, then he is also lacks integrity and righteousness. If a woman is not trustworthy, then she will also lack goodness, prudence and wisdom and probably most of the other characteristics described in Proverbs 31 as well. Lying, purposely saying things that are not true, destroys trust, and once trust is destroyed it will take a lot of time and effort to regain it. A husband and wife need to be able to believe each other in every area of life. Any area in which there is not that trust will be marked by suspicion. Contention and strife develop and increase as questions arise and confrontations occur over the areas of suspicion. It is not uncommon for people to try to avoid the contention by becoming secretive even though that concealment diminishes trust even further.
Is your character trustworthy? Are you open and honest with your spouse and friends? Would they have cause to be upset if they really knew all that you do? Excluding a surprise gift for them, are there things you have purchased that you have tried to keep hidden from your spouse? Would your partner have cause for concern if it was known the real level of your relationship with other people – whom you talk to and spend time with? Where there is lack of trust there is also a breeding ground for jealousy, both founded and unfounded. Would an audit of your time and finances reveal someone who has sacrificed for the good of the family and others or someone who is selfish?
◘Conclusion
These behaviors associated with being demanding, contentious, nagging, temperamental, harsh, hateful and manipulative all arise from what you believe and think often aggravated by emotions. Even secular counseling might get you to change some of the behaviors or at least moderate them by convincing you it is in your best interest to do so. ◘Christianity is radically different because it brings about a change in your heart which changes your motivations resulting in behavior guided by what is in the best interest of others instead of self. That is only possible because the true Christian is born again, transformed, to be a new creation in Christ who is then empowered by the Holy Spirit to understand, believe and do what is confusing, incredible and impossible for the non-Christian. ◘The work of God in those whose faith is in Jesus Christ enables relationships and marriages that operate on a much higher level – but for that to happen you have to be an active disciples of Christ who is submitting your own will to His. Are you living to fulfill the purposes of your Creator and glorify Him with your life or are you living for yourself? Your relationships with others will reflect the degree which is true in you.
Sermon Notes – August 25, 2024
Marriage: Communication Skills Part 6 – Causes of Conflict C
Review
Good communication skills go a long way in avoiding the conflicts caused by ________________________
.
Your ___________ and priorities will determine how you respond to a conflict
The root cause of all conflict & the foolishness it brings to life is ______ – and pride aggravates it
The solution to pride is ____________, and the solution to sin is salvation by faith in Jesus Christ
The solution to ignorance, naivete & foolish counsel is gaining knowledge of the ________ & wise counsel
____________ from those who pursue foolishness lest you become like them – Proverbs 13:20
Deal with issues of character with humility, repentance from sin & faith in Jesus to walk in _____________
Introduction
Ungodly ______________ traits & their resulting behaviors are the causes of conflict
All behaviors originate from what you think and _________often compounded by emotions – Mark 7:21-23
Demanding, Contention & Nagging
______relationships & marriages following God’s design avoid demanding, nagging & resulting contention
Demanding, contention & nagging are expressions of _____________- motivations matter
Pursuit of godliness results in humility & seeking the best for __________ – Philippians 2:3-4
It takes conscious effort to overcome _______motivations – set aside selfishness & do what is best for others
Proverbs gives many warnings about __________& the irritation & contention it brings – and it is hard to fix
Yielding to nagging is always only a __________fix to a problem that will get worse – Proverbs 21:9; 27:15
Without a permanent solution, it only gets worse and men will tend to want to _______from it – Prov. 21:19
The solution to demanding, nagging & the resulting contention is humility to become ________- Phil. 2:3-8
If your spouse is a nag, set your goal to please & glorify _______regardless of the foolishness of your spouse
Temperamental, Harsh & Hateful
Add wickedness to pride, self-righteousness & selfishness & the result is ______________, harsh & hateful
Temperamental: How fast you lose your temper is an indicator of how _______you are – Prov. 29:11; 14:29
________________& patience keeps your temper in check and calms the hot-head down – Proverbs 15:1, 18
Being temperamental, harsh or hateful can wear down even the godly to seek ________- Prov. 15:17; 21:19
Pursue fulfilling your God given ___& pleasing Him even when your spouse is being ungodly – 1 Pet. 3:1-7
Repent from being temperamental, harsh or hateful and seek the change of _____that only the Lord can give
Manipulative
To manipulate is to control or influence cleverly or unscrupulously – its origin is ________________& pride
Manipulation strives to get what is _______or avoid what is not wanted & often purposely misleads to do so
In good marriages the couple is open & ______with each other in pursuit of the wise decisions for the family
Manipulation blocks wise decisions by its ___________ desires – Proverbs 26:12; 18:13
Manipulation damages the foundations of _________ and structure needed for a healthy home
Manipulation relies on ________ which is the folly of fools the wise avoid – Proverbs 4:24; 12:17, 20; 14:8
Even if deceit is used to avoid hurting someone it is ___________and opposite of the actions of a true friend
Christians are commanded to lay aside falsehood and speak the __________in love – Ephesians 4:15, 25
Deceit, including its subcategory of _______, easily slides into outright lying – Ps 109:2; 120:2; Prov 26:28
______has become normal in the culture, but it is an abomination to the Lord – Prov. 6:16-19; 12:22; 19:5, 9
Lying may bring temporary success, but it ends in __________- Proverbs 14:5; 21:6; 12:19; 19:5, 9. Rev. 21
Lying _________the trust that is foundational for all healthy relationships – including business transactions
The wife described in Proverbs 31 is excellent because her many _________allows her husband to trust her
The characteristics describing the godly man in Psalm 15 are the reasons that he is ________________
Trust is a ___________characteristic needed for a family to function for without it the family will crumble
Conclusions
Sinful behaviors arise from ____________ beliefs and thinking often aggravated by emotions
Christianity brings a radical change in the _______resulting in selfless motivations empowered by the Spirit
The work of God in active ___________of Jesus results in relationship that function on a much higher plane
KIDS KORNER
Parents, you are responsible to apply God’s Word to your children’s lives. Here is some help. Young Children – draw a picture about something you hear during the sermon. Explain your picture(s) to your parents at lunch. Older Children – Do one or more of the following: 1) Write down all the verses mentioned in the sermon and look them up later. 2) Count how many times the word “wise” is mentioned in the sermon. Talk with your parents about how you can be wise instead of foolish in your behavior.
THINK ABOUT IT!
Questions to consider in discussing the sermon with others. What factors determine your response to a conflict? What is the root cause of all conflict and how is that overcome? How does pride aggravate conflict? What is the solution for conflicts caused by issues of knowledge? What is the solution for conflict caused by issues of character? What is the origin of all behaviors? What then is the needed solution to conflicts caused by behaviors? What is the root cause of behaviors of demanding, contention and nagging? What distinguishes expressing desires and demanding and giving reminders and nagging? Why is nagging damaging in marriage? What is the foolishness of being temperamental, harsh or hateful and what damage do they cause? How can a godly spouse still live a fulfilling life even if married to someone with ungodly behavior? What is manipulation and its origin? How does manipulation hinder wise decision making? How are wise decisions made in a godly marriage? What is the difference between deceit and lying? What is the relationship of manipulation to them? Why is it foolish to used deceit / lying even if it is to avoid hurting someone? What characteristics should mark the communication of Christians? What is flattery and why is it dangerous? What does God think of lying? What are the near and long term consequences of lying? What is the importance of trust in relationships? Does your life match the characteristics of either Proverbs 31 or Psalm 15? If not, what needs to change?
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