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Pastor Scott L. Harris
Grace Bible Church, NY
September 22, 2024
◘ Marriage: Overcoming Hurt
Selected Scriptures
Introduction
I bring you greetings from Tennessee. Diane and I were very glad to be able to go down and meet Evelyn Marie, our newest grandchild, to read books and play with Jackie Lee, and to help out David and Natasha as they take of and adjust to life with a newborn. We were blessed by our time with them and greatly enjoyed what we were able to do on the way down and back.
Between preparing the financial reports and hosting Diane’s cousin before we left, we were not able to get on the road until just after noon that Saturday. That did give us the opportunity to visit Community of Grace Community Church in Verona, VA the next day. It was planted in 2016 and is pastored by a fellow TMS graduate, Dimitri Bondaruk. It was wonderful to worship with these dear folks and see the growth they have had in such a relatively short time. Though they are currently meeting in the community room of the Fire House there, they are already in a project to build their own facilities.
Last Sunday we worshiped with Family Bible Church in Knoxville, a sister IFCA church, which is being planted by a long time ministry friend, Dan Nave. I was surprised when I also saw another long time IFCA ministry friend, Larry Duncan and his family there too. It was good to see and catch up with them a little. And just a heads up, Larry also helps with Slavic Gospel Association and has asked me to consider doing some training seminars in Ukraine next year which I will check into and if feasible will try to do.
As much as I enjoy and appreciate the preaching of other men, I am always glad to be back in the pulpit here. I trust you were encouraged by Tom Stiles’ sermon on the 8th on The Testing of Faith from Psalm 73. I talked with him the next day and he and Barb were very glad to have been able to come and minister. They were encouraged by the warm reception from all of you and to see what the Lord has been doing here. I also trust that Mark’s enthusiastic preaching last week from Mark 2:13-15 was encouraging to you to know Jesus and follow Him.
◘ This morning we will continue in our series on marriage. I trust this series has been helpful to you since so many of the principles that make for a good marriage apply to all relationships. That will be true this morning as we look at the subject of overcoming hurt. It is a skill set that everyone needs to learn because everyone will both hurt and be hurt as we live in this sin cursed world. We will be considering how to deal with the different levels and kinds of hurt in a godly manner. ◘Responding to hurt in an ungodly manner only increases the amount of hurt to others and to yourself. And in mentioning this, since some of you have followed and benefitted from the ministry of Steve Lawson, I know it can hurt when someone you have looked up to falls to such a degree that he loses his various ministries. These principles can help you deal with that hurt. Keep both the Lawson family and his co-workers in prayer since their hurt will be exponentially greater than your own. God can glorify Himself even in the midst of such tragedies brought about by sin, and that will be our prayer in this situation. (Here are links to two good articles on responding thoughtfully to this tragedy: The Fall of a Leader: Lessons from Steve Lawson’s Removal and Lawson Announcement & Our Personal Walk with God)
◘Hurt
First, what do I mean by hurt? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, our English word hurt is “Middle English, probably from Anglo-French hurter to strike, prick, collide with, probably of Germanic origin; akin to Old Norse hrūtr male sheep] verb transitive 13th century.” ◘Hurt can be used as a verb or a noun and carries the basic idea of being the cause of or suffering with some sort of harm, damage or pain. It can be used as a transitive or intransitive in reference to physical objects, emotional and mental states, and non-physical efforts and states. The physical body can be wounded and suffer pain and injury such as when you get a cut or break a bone. Physical objects can be damaged such as when a storm and flood wash away plants, buildings and land. Non-physical efforts can be hindered such as when an evangelistic campaign lacks workers. But the hurt we will be talking about today is relational hurt from the mental stress, offenses, emotional pain, anguish, suffering and grief that come from sin – your own sin, the sin of others, and living in a sin cursed world.
All of us have experienced this kind of hurt, probably are experiencing some now, and will experience it in the future. How should we respond to it? How can it be alleviated? How can it be overcome? ◘The answer is not building up walls to create a fortress in which you can be isolated from others as described in the old Simon & Garfunkel song, I Am a Rock. The lyrics tell of the effort to avoid the emotional pain common to relationships by touching no one and being touched by no one. The goal became to be like a rock and an island for they feel no pain and never cry. Not only is that completely selfish, it does not work. Hermits still feel pain and cry for they have memory of the past, and there are too many things in the present in what is read, heard or observed which will point out what is being missed. God designed people to have relationships, but the corruption of sin causes them to be sources of hurt which we must learn to overcome.
◘ Isolation is one sinful way people use to avoid hurt, but more common are methods of delay, distraction and inducing forgetfulness even if only for a short time. Entertainment and hedonism can distract from hurt and delay having to deal with it for a time. ◘Amusement means “no musing,” and so “without contemplative thought.” It is often frivolous. Entertainment diverts your attention to something else. Some people have the television or radio on all the time in order to divert their attention away from things they do not want to do. Even news can do this since it provides all sorts of information about things you can do little to nothing about as a substitute for taking action about things you can do something about. ◘Hedonism distracts by the pursuit of pleasure. Don’t worry, be happy by filling your life with fun. Drugs and alcohol are taken to escape current problems by causing a mental forgetfulness until reality comes crashing back in again when sobriety returns. Proverbs 31:6-7 speaks of strong drink being given to those whose lives are bitter or are perishing so that they can forget their poverty and trouble, but the relief is only temporary for the problems remain.
◘Sources of Hurt
The potential for emotional hurt correlates directly with the closeness of the relationship. The more distant the relationship, the less effect that person can have on your emotional well being. Those living in distant places with whom you have no relationship will be irrelevant to you. As you move upward in increasing levels of relationship ranging from strangers and acquaintances to co-workers to friends and close friends, the potential to cause hurt also increases. Family, best friends and marriage, which should be the closest human relationship in this life, have the potential for both your greatest joys and greatest sorrows because these are the relationships which are most important to you.
◘ While the sources of hurt within relationships are as diverse as the relationships themselves, the two common factors in hurt will be sinful actions and unmet expectations and often a combination of the two. Sinners will sin and even the redeemed will continue to fight against sin until they receive their glorified bodies, so sinful actions should be expected. Paul lists out some of these in several passages in his calls for believers to live differently from how they had lived before they were saved.
◘ Sin: For example, in Colossians 3:5-10 Paul calls on believers to consider the members of their earthly bodies as dead to “immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry,”and to set aside “anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech” as well as lying to one another because the old self has been set aside and the new self put on. It is obvious that any of these actions in a relationship will cause emotional hurt. The same is true with any of the sinful actions taken by the unrighteous who will not inherit the kingdom of God listed in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10: fornicators, idolaters, adulterers, effeminate, homosexuals, thieves, the covetous, drunkards, revilers, and swindlers. Sinful actions hurt others and since sinners will sin, expect to be hurt. However, this is hurt compounded by the fact that even among the unregenerate there is a wishful expectation that the sinner will not sin against his friends. That is the origin of the saying about honor among thieves. Thieves will steal from others but expect that no one in their gang will steal from them. Additional hurt is created by the unmet expectation of being treated rightly by those with whom you have a close relationship even if they blatantly sin against others. This foolishness is commonly seen among gossips who for some reason don’t think that those gossiping to them are not gossiping about them to others.
◘ The good news is that salvation by God’s grace though faith in the Lord Jesus Christ brings about our justification, sanctification and cleansing regardless of our sinful past (1 Cor. 6:11). Regeneration brings about a change in character and behavior as the Holy Spirit does His work in conforming you into the image of Christ. ◘The deeds of the flesh which include immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these are replaced by the fruit of the Spirit which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control (Galatians 5:19-23). This better character creates a higher expectation of doing what is right, so a failure to do so can create hurt. It is not enough to avoid being unrighteous, the expectation becomes that you will be righteous in your actions and attitudes.
◘ Expectations: I have brought up this issue about expectations twice already because it is the first level of properly dealing with personal hurt. Your expectations must be legitimate, righteous and fair. ◘What you expect from others should be within the bounds of both righteousness and reasonable capability of the other person. If they are not, then the solution to hurt caused by unmet expectations is to change your expectations, and that may include repentance from your own selfishness and sin.
I just spent a week with my two and a half year old granddaughter. It is righteous of me to expect good behavior from her, but it would be unfair to expect behavior she has not learned or developed the skills to perform yet. My expectations have to be within the realm of what is reasonable at her age. That same principle applies to everyone else too. Are my expectations of them reasonable? ◘This is an area where all the principles on good communication need to be applied. It is not reasonable to expect something from someone else if you have not clearly communicated what you would like or are expecting.
◘ Your expectations also have to be legitimate and righteous. If what you want would require them to sin or give into your own sinful desires, then you need to repent. That includes if it is just being selfish on your part. That is often related to having expectations of others beyond any legitimate obligation toward you. While it was legitimate and reasonable to expect some basic hospitality from the friends and family we visited in the last couple of weeks, it would have been illegitimate and selfish to have expected any of them to cater to our whims. This is true in marriage as well. Your spouse does not exist to be your slave who caters to your whims, wants and desires. Your spouse is your gift from God to be your partner in this life and help you become a more godly person.
The first way to reduce hurt is to have proper expectations that are legitimate, reasonable and righteous. If they are not, then change your expectations. (See: Dealing with Disappointment; Forgiveness)
◘Levels of Hurt
How you solve and overcome other areas of hurt will be directly related to the level of hurt that is being experienced, and the levels of hurt range from mild annoyances to cataclysmic catastrophe. I am going to deal with these hurts at multiple levels ranging from low to catastrophic. I will be setting them in the context of a married Christian, but the principles will apply to all relationships.
◘ At every level and with everyone the Christian is to strive to respond in a manner that will reflect the reality of walking by the Holy Spirit, for as Galatians 5:16 states, those that are doing that “will not carry out the desires of the flesh.” The non-Christian will be able to benefit from some of the principles explained, especially at the lower levels, but without the Holy Spirit to guide and empower, dealing with the greater levels of hurt in a proper manner will be increasingly difficult and then impossible since it would require being dependent upon God, which is not something the non-Christian desires to do. Directly related to this is the issue of forgiveness.
◘ The Necessity of Forgiveness – Every level of hurt caused by the sin of others and / or legitimate and reasonable expectations that are unmet is going to involve forgiveness. ◘Christians are to individually be willing to forgive. In Matthew 18:21-35 Jesus answered Peter’s question about how many times he should forgive someone, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” That shocked Peter and Jesus continued on to illustrate the nature of forgiveness in the kingdom of heaven. A king forgave his slave an insurmountable debt and expected that slave to treat others likewise. When that slave was unwilling to forgive a relatively petty debt of another slave then the king became angry and “handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.” ◘Jesus’ point was that God offers us forgiveness of our insurmountable debts of sin therefore we should be forgiving of others. If we are not, Jesus concluded the parable saying, “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” Jesus made the same point in at the end of His teaching on prayer in Matthew 6:14-15, 14 “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 “But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” One of the beatitudes is Matthew 5:7, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.” James 2:13 makes the same point, “For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment.”
◘ A fundamental issue then for the Christian in dealing with being hurt is the willingness to forgive the one that hurt you. At low levels of hurt this forgiveness may be able to be done unilaterally. As the level of hurt increases it may require a response from the person that hurt you in order to resolve the problem and restore the relationship. Forgiveness may be offered, but without a proper acknowledgment of the offense and acceptance of the forgiveness, the relationship will remain estranged and the hurt may even increase. ◘This is another reason that Christians can properly deal with hurt that non-Christians cannot because we have the Holy Spirit to enable us to forgive others just as God in Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32).
◘ Low – The lowest level is that of annoyances and mild irritations. At this level an individual can choose to respond unilaterally and overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11 states, “A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression.” Sometimes that is done to avoid something worse happening as Proverbs 17:14 warns, “The beginning of strife is [like] letting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.” Hopefully, for the Christian at least, it is because it is the application of love to the situation. 1 Peter 4:8 states, “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Corinthians 13:5 describes this aspect of love as “not taking into account a wrong suffered” (NASB). ◘This is how we deal with people with all the minor irritations of daily life such as forgetting or failing to do something you asked, speaking with a tone of voice that should not apply to you, the other person becomes distracted while you are talking with them, being late for an agreed time or other minor issues of courtesy. This is easier for those who are less sensitive to minor personal offences. Those who are sensitive to such offenses work harder at it for they must consciously set aside the transgression.
◘ Medium – As the nature of the offense increases, the ability to unilaterally handle it decreases. The medium level of hurt would be vexing irritations that need to be addressed. When the conflict and hurt is causing the relationship to be strained and it is uncomfortable to be around the person, then you will need to talk with the offender and try to work things out. ◘Just discussing it may quickly reveal the hurt was based on misunderstanding or resolve any legitimate issues. The offender may need to be involved in the process of forgiveness and restoration or, though your relationship is somewhat strained, you recognized that it is actually of such a minor nature that you choose to unilaterally overlook the offense without any action on the part of the offender. This would include things such as minor offenses that have become habitual, misplaced anger, clearing up wrong assumptions, differences in desires and priorities on non-essential issues, etc.
◘ High – This level has caused harm and must be addressed and may need some counsel to address it properly or even intervention. The issues at this level are more serious and there is a breakage of some kind in the relationship. From this point on, forgiveness is no longer unilateral. It will take work on the part of both parties to repair the relationship. Ideally, the matters are resolved so that the needed apologies, forgiveness and reconciliation take place between both parties. ◘However, though the Christian is to be willing to forgive, unless that forgiveness is accepted, the relationship remains broken with its subsequent consequences.
Back in the last millennium before I was a pastor, I loaned some money to a co-worker that was ill. Her illness continued and so her financial condition got even worse. I finally told her to forget about it and that I forgave the debt, but she continued to insist she had to pay it back. However, her guilt over not being able to do so caused her to start avoiding me, then later shunning me. I forgave her the debt, but she would not accept it resulting in a destruction of the relationship solely on her own part. A broken relationship requires forgiveness to be a transaction between both parties. If the offender refuses the forgiveness offered by the offended, there is no reconciliation. The hurt of the financial loss equal to several weeks of work which was unilaterally forgiven was minor compared to the loss and rejection of the relationship over which there was nothing else I could do except to continue to offer the forgiveness in seeking reconciliation.
Tragically, it is not uncommon for high level offenses to occur in a marriage in which one or both partners no longer strive to work it out. For whatever reason, the offer of forgiveness is rejected and the one offended may cease striving to bring about a reconciliation. As time goes on and hope of bridging the gap in the relationship is lost, the issue becomes an area which is avoided or callousness builds up in order to dull the pain. ◘ At this point you will need wise counsel from a friend to keep you encouraged to press on toward doing what is right because it is right before God even though your spouse is rejecting the effort. You will need a godly confidant who will pray for you and the situation pleading with God for His intervention that your heart will remain true in the pursuit of godliness and that your spouse will be brought to conviction of sin and repent to also pursue godliness. ◘This is the point of the instructions to the wife in 1 Peter 3:1-6 to win a husband who is disobedient to the word by her godly behavior and in 1 Peter 3:7 for husbands to strive to understand their wives in recognizing she is weaker and yet honoring her as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
◘ Now at this point if the spouse is a Christian and the issue is either a flagrant or a besetting sin, a sin that is repeated and over and over again, then intervention will be needed. Galatians 6:1-2 and Matthew 18:15-18 describe the steps in this which begins with confronting the sinner personally, then escalating it by bringing in other people who are godly to intervene to confront any sin and encourage towards righteousness. If that does not work, then it might even be brought before the whole church for greater prayer support and intervention. If that does not work, it may escalate to the declaration by the church that the sinning spouse is no longer recognized as a fellow believer and the marriage would be viewed as a case of being unequally yoked.
◘ Severe – An issue in which there is a high level of hurt can easily escalate into one that is severe as I just noted about Christians who continue in blatant unrepentant sin. ◘ It can also be an issue that jumps quickly to the severe level because there is emotional trauma that will require counseling and intervention to one degree or another. Some examples of this would include physical endangerment such as occurs with drug and alcohol abuse, impoverishment due to the refusal of a husband to work or squandering what is earned by gambling or carousing, physical abuse of children or spouse, infidelity and abandonment. These are hurts that leave scars on children and adults. ◘The sins involved will need to be confronted whether the offender is a Christian or not, and those hurt by these sins will need counseling to be comforted, encouraged and perhaps even directed to gain physical assistance that might be needed.
◘ It is possible that even at this severe level the relationship can be salvaged and reconciliation take place, but it will take the intervention of the Holy Spirit and a lot of work to help the godly spouse to stay focused on the pursuit of holiness and glory of God in their own life so that forgiveness can be offered, and it will take the Holy Spirit to bring conviction of sin and repentance so that forgiveness can be received and reconciliation pursued. And to the glory of God this can and does happen. I have seen and known people who have been through such severe trauma and now have a God glorifying marriage. That is the power of Christ to change sinners into saints.
◘ I have also seen those who become more godly as they pursue what is right before God even as their spouse becomes more distant and ungodly. They live out the instructions in 1 Corinthians 7:10-14 to remain and be a blessing to the unbelieving spouse. Tragically, it is rare for that to continue for a long time for the unrepentant sinner will pursue greater sin and will eventually walk away because they refuse to be in the presence of someone whose godly life exposes their own sinfulness. That is why in 1 Corinthians 7:14 allows for the unbelieving spouse to leave and allow the believing spouse to be at peace and not have to remain in bondage. This moves hurt from the severe level to the catastrophic.
◘ Catastrophic – At this level there will be a need for some legal intervention. ◘A spouse that physically abuses you or the children will need to have the police intervene and possibly spend some time in jail. A spouse that endangers you or their children by their flagrant sin may end up with an order of protection against them and have their parental rights revoked. Drug and alcohol abusers may need legal intervention that forces them into a rehabilitation program or perhaps jail. An adulterer or adulteress may find themselves with a legal separation or a divorce as allowed by Matthew 5:32; 19:9 and 1 Corinthians 7:11. I have known several women who were willing and did forgive their unfaithful spouse only to have him do it again with the issue finally brought to a head with an ultimatum of choosing the wife or the adulteress and the adulteress was chosen. ◘The hurt in these kinds of situations is catastrophic because of the high level of personal rejection. Yet, even that kind of hurt can be overcome by keeping your eyes on Christ and casting the anxiety and that burden on Him as directed in Psalm 55:22 and 1 Peter 5:7 for He cares for you.
◘Comforted by God – 2 Corinthians 1:3-11
We read 2 Corinthians 1:1-11 as our call to worship this morning. I want to point out just a few things from that passage that are directly relevant to the purpose of this sermon in how to overcome hurt.
◘ First, verse 3. Our God is the Father of mercies and God of all comfort. That is His nature and why we can turn to Him.
◘ Second, verse 4. God comforts us in all our affliction. That is a fact. If you do not have it, it is because you have not accepted what has been made available to you by God.
◘ Third, verse 4. A purpose in God comforting us is so that we can comfort others with the same comfort we have received from God.
◘ Fourth, verse 5. We should expect an abundant amount of suffering due to being in Christ, but we can expect an equal abundance of comfort through Christ. The world hates us because of Christ, but God loves us because of and through Christ.
◘ Fifth, verses 6-11. Paul gives himself as an example of both suffering for Christ and being comforted through Christ and by other Christians.
◘ Sixth, verse 8. Paul’s suffering was severe to the point of being excessively burdened and despairing of life.
◘ Seventh, verses 9-10. The ground of Paul’s hope for the present and future was the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead upon which the hope of all Christians is based. His death paid the penalty of our sins granting forgiveness to all who will believe. His resurrection proved all of His claims and promises are true. We have an absolute assurance that as true Christians we are adopted into God’s family so that heaven is our future home and we will be with Him for all eternity. ◘Therefore no matter how catastrophic our current circumstances may be even to the point of martyrdom, our hope transcends it.
◘ It is also the basis of our ability to forgive others for as I pointed out earlier, we forgive as God has forgiven us in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13). The purpose of our lives moves away from self to God so that we desire what He desires and strive to live in conformity to that of Jesus. As we mature in Christ we can be like Him in forgiving others. He pleaded for the Father to forgive those who were putting Him to death because they did not know what they were doing. We can therefore offer forgiveness to those who seek our harm for as Romans 5:8 points out, Jesus died for us while we were yet sinners. ◘He looked beyond His own hurt and suffering to fulfill what would bring glory to God the Father. We are to pursue doing the same.
◘Conclusions
How can you overcome hurt? While there are many practical steps as have been pointed out in this sermon, in the final analysis, it is possible because the Christian can be empowered by the Holy Spirit to do what will glorify God even while He conforms us to the image of Jesus. ◘The hurt will still be real and suffering may be great. You can expect to weep and cry out in the midst of the anguish even as David did as recorded in many Psalms. ◘However, your response can ultimately be one that overcomes it by the grace of God demonstrating an eternal purpose to your life because it is lived to His glory instead of sinful and selfishness pursuits for, to paraphrase Paul’s description in Galatians 2:20, you have been crucified with Christ and you no longer live but Christ lives in you so that the life you now live is lived by faith in the Son of God who loved you and gave Himself up for you. Therefore, strive to be a blessing from God in the lives others instead of a curse though they may often be a curse to you (Luke 6:28; Romans 12:14).
Sermon Notes – September 22, 2024
Marriage: Overcoming Hurt – Selected Scriptures
Introduction
Learning to overcome hurt is a skill needed by everyone for we live in a ___cursed world & you will be hurt
Responding to hurt in an ___________manner only increases the amount of hurt to yourself and others
Hurt
It refers to being the cause of or suffering with some sort of ______- physical, non-physical effort, emotional
Trying escape hurt by ____________(I am a Rock, an Island) is completely selfish & does not work
Other common methods of dealing with are amusement, entertainment, ___________& drugs / alcohol
Sources of Hurt
The potential for emotional hurt correlates directly with the ___________of the relationship
Sources of hurt are diverse, but two common factors in hurt are sinful actions & ________expectations
Sin: Colossians 3:5-10, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Sin can be overcome by ________from it by God’s grace through faith in the person & work of Jesus Christ
The Holy Spirit changes us so that we are marked by the fruit of the _______instead of the deeds of the flesh
Expectations: Your expectations must be ____________, righteous and fair
If your expectations are not within the bounds of both righteousness & reasonable capability – then _______
Good communication _____________the hurt caused by unmet expectations
Hurt is reduced by _____________from expectations that are unrighteous, illegitimate or unreasonable
Levels of Hurt
How to solve / overcome hurt is related to the _______of hurt which can range from irritation to catastrophe
At every level & with everyone the Christian strives to respond in a manner reflecting walking by the _____
The Necessity of Forgiveness:
Christians are to individually be willing to ___________- Matthew 18:21-35
____ forgiveness of our insurmountable debts of sin should result in being forgiving of others – Mt. 6:14-15
A fundamental issue for the Christian dealing with hurt is the willingness to _________the one that hurt you
The Christian can deal with hurt better than the non-Christian because the Holy Spirt ________us to forgive
Low: Annoyances & mild irritations which can be ____________overlooked – Prov. 19:11; 17:14; 1 Pet. 4:8
This is an expression of Christian __________(1 Cor. 13:5) to the minor irritations of daily life
Medium: Vexing irritations – hurt that strains the relationship and so ____________ talking about it
Talking __________ misunderstanding and clarifies legitimate & reasonable expectations
High: A ___________ of some kind in the relationship – forgiveness cannot be unilateral
The Christian is to offer forgiveness, but unless it is accepted, the relationship remains ___________
Wise & godly counsel helps ______________pressing on to righteousness despite the rejection & hurt
The godly husband / wife continues to ___________righteousness even if the spouse is being ungodly
A Christian spouse in flagrant or besetting sin is subject to outside ___________- Matt. 18:15-18; Gal 6:1-2
Severe: Emotional trauma what will _____________counseling & intervention
The sins causing traumatic hurt will need to be ______________& the Christian comforted & encouraged
Severe hurt will need the intervention of the __________________to bring about reconciliation
A Christian spouse strives to be a _______to an unsaved spouse, but can let him / her leave – 1 Cor. 7:10-14
Catastrophic: At this level there will need to be some __________intervention
Physical abuse – jail, endangerment – separation, drug / alcohol abuse – rehab, unrepentant adultery – divorce
The hurt in these kinds of situations is catastrophic because of the high level of personal ____________
Comforted by God – 2 Corinthians 1:3-11
1) vs. 3 – The God of all ___________, the Father of mercies
2) vs. 4 – God comforts us in _________of our afflictions
3) vs. 4 – God’s purpose in comforting us is so that we can comfort ________with the same comfort
4) vs. 5 – Expect an ___________of both suffering and comfort
5) vs. 6-11 – Paul as an ___________ of both suffering for Christ & being comforted through Christ
6) vs. 8 – Paul’s suffering was __________ being excessively burdened and despairing of life
7) vs. 9-10 – The ground of hope is Christ’s ______________- the gospel message & promise
Hope in Christ’s promises of forgiveness & _________transcend all earthly circumstances even martyrdom
Jesus’ resurrection is the basis of our ___________of others – to forgive as God has forgiven us – Eph. 4:32
Jesus looked beyond His own suffering to fulfill what would bring ________ to God
Conclusions
The Christian can overcome hurt because the Holy Spirit ____________us to do what will glorify God
Hurt & suffering will be _______& could be great causing weeping & crying out in anguish as did David
A response that seeks to be a ________to others instead of a curse overcomes hurt & glorifies God – Lk 6:28
KIDS KORNER
Parents, you are responsible to apply God’s Word to your children’s lives. Here is some help. Young Children – draw a picture about something you hear during the sermon. Explain your picture(s) to your parents at lunch. Older Children – Do one or more of the following: 1) Write down all the verses mentioned in the sermon and look them up later. 2) Count how many times the word “hurt” is used. Talk with your parents about how to overcome the hurts that are common to life.
THINK ABOUT IT!
Questions to consider in discussing the sermon with others. How has the sermon series on marriage been useful in your life? Define “hurt.” What kinds of emotional hurt have you experienced? Why is isolation a terrible way to try to avoid being hurt? Why are amusement, entertainment, hedonism and drugs / alcohol also terrible ways to deal with hurt? What is the relationship between the potential for being hurt and the closeness of a relationship? How does sin cause hurt? How is sin overcome? Compare legitimate and illegitimate expectations. Compare reasonable and unreasonable expectations. What should you do if you are hurt due to illegitimate or unreasonable expectations? Why is forgiveness necessary at every level of hurt? What is God’s response to those who do not forgive? Why can Christians be forgiving when non-Christians cannot? What is low level hurt? Give examples. Why can low level hurt be forgiven unilaterally? What is medium level hurt? Give examples. How does good communication help prevent or resolve it? What is high level hurt? Give examples. Why does this level require action on the part of the person who caused the problem? Why is a Christian who sins properly subject to confrontation? What is severe level hurt? Give examples. How can this level of hurt be overcome and the relationship salvaged & restored? What is severe level hurt? Give examples. Examine 2 Cor. 1:3-11. What truths in this passage help you overcome hurt and offer forgiveness to others?
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