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Pastor Scott L. Harris
Grace Bible Church, NY
October 20, 2024
◘Marriage: Physical Intimacy
Selected Scriptures
THIS IS NOT A SERMON FOR CHILDREN
Introduction
◘ I will begin this morning with a caution for those who may have children present that would view or hear this sermon whether that is in this room or some place you are streaming our worship service or accessing a recording of it. The subject of this sermon, physical intimacy in marriage, is not for children. While I will neither be vulgar or descriptive beyond what Scripture itself states, the euphemisms used in the Bible are descriptive enough to get the point across and that is not for children. This is a sermon for those exposed to pornography even if young for it will give strong warnings about falling into the pit of immorality which now dominates the culture here. In fact, it is because of that I am preaching this message to the whole congregation here and beyond instead of in a small and restricted class that is not recorded. So if you have children you do not want present for an adult message, then please have them go downstairs now. We have arranged for an extra class for children older than what is normal for our children’s church. If you are streaming or replaying this message, please pause it until you can have the children where you want them to be, then resume it.
◘A Depraved Society
While American society as a whole is not yet Corinthian and very few places have legalized prostitution much less use it as a form of worship of pagan deities, the development of mass media and especially the internet and smart phones have allowed pornography to bring about a widespread corruption of the mind that has resulted in and even legalization of some forms of depravity and open advocation of even worse forms. Please understand that this is not due to the overwhelming power of pornography itself, but due to minds already primed for receiving it. What do I mean by that? Turn to Romans 1:18 and I want to quickly point out the road that descends into depravity.
◘ Romans 1:18–32 begins, 18 “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, 19 because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. 20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. 21 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.” Creation itself declares God’s existence and some of His attributes leaving man without excuse for not seeking Him. God’s wrath abides on those who reject the truth that is obvious all around to pursue the futility of their own thinking. Verse 22 stating, Professing to be wise, they became fools.
◘ The rest of the passage describes a three step descent that begins with a rejection of the Creator God and worshiping Him to pursue the musings of men and worshiping something else. God’s response is His wrath displayed in giving them over to the desires of their hearts. The rejection of truth for a lie results in worship and service of what is created instead of the Creator. The first step down is blatant moral impurity (vs. 23-25). The second step down is degrading passions of what is now referred to as homosexuality which is contrary to the natural functions of God’s design for the body (vs. 26-27). The last step down is to depravity of mind as they no longer see fit to acknowledge God any longer. Without a fear of God, the pursuit is for any and every form of evil and hearty approval of it (vs. 18-32).
◘ As the church in the United States weakened as liberal theology became dominant in the main line churches, society as a whole began its descent. The strong reaction of churches across America against the immorality in the film industry in the 1920’s resulted in self restriction and the golden age of Hollywood in the 1930-50’s when most films were wholesome and very careful not to offend the sensibilities of heartland America. But there were always those pushing the envelope, and as the churches weakened, there was less push back and more acceptance of the risque. The sexual revolution of the 1960’s happened because Biblical morality no longer dominated the culture. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled against prayer in school even though it was non-sectarian. By the 1980’s evolution was mandated teaching in public schools and Creation barred from the science classroom. The 1990’s was ascent of homosexuality culminating in legalization of what is an abomination to God and then in the early 2000’s various states redefining marriage and that being forced nationally in the Obergefell ruling in 2015. Rapidly on its heals was the explosion of the LGBT+ agenda resulting in where we are at today with the Democrat party pushing as a right the mutilation of children with gender-dysphoria, and here in New York, Proposition 1 which seeks to add non-discrimination clauses so broad that it will remove by law biological reality and sanity in favor of whatever depraved fantasy a person may have at any age.
◘ Why bring all of this up? Simply this. As man turns away from what God has declared about His Creation including how it actually works, man will pursue every form of depravity that arises within his wicked heart. God created human sexuality to be a wonderful aspect of being human in the pursuit of fulfilling God’s will, but unless man is willing to follow God’s design for it, he will turn it into something ugly, depraved and extremely dangerous. The road back to sexual sanity requires submission to God and His design for human life. As I as said a guest speaker some 30 years ago to a Human Sexuality class at Dutchess Community College, “You will not be interested in what I have to say about Biblical Sexual ethics unless you desire to please God, for it will be contrary to your desire to sin.” I was only invited the one time, because neither the professor nor students liked to hear what the Bible says about human sexuality.
The next portion of my sermon will be a quick examination of God’s wonderful design for human sexuality which will then be followed by warnings about departing from that design. If you don’t love Christ, you will not recognize the beauty of God’s design for husband and wife and therefore will not praise Him for it. If you don’t fear God, you will not heed the warnings He has given and will find yourself on the road that descends into depravity.
◘God’s Wonderful Design for Human Sexuality
We begin with the fact that God created human sexuality and blessed it from the beginning as the means to fulfill His purposes for man. I have pointed this out in previous sermons in this series. Genesis 1:27-28 summarizes this aspect of the sixth day of creation stating that He created man in His image and that He created them male and female and 28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” Procreation would be the means by which man could fulfill God’s mandate to them to multiply, fill the earth, subdue it and rule over the animals.
Genesis 2 gives more detail about this pointing out that God made man first and then fashioned the woman from one of Adam’s ribs. This solved the problem of the “not good” of man being alone by giving him a “helper suitable,” someone that complimented him and enabling them both together to fulfill God’s mandate. Verses 24-25 then institutes marriage, 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” Man has no authority to change what God instituted, and any claim for something other than this to be marriage is a perversion.
◘ At this point I need to point out that there are religious groups that view procreation as the only purpose of human sexuality and anything other than that is somehow unholy, something dirty. Procreation can even be viewed as a necessary evil with some groups even claiming that is unholy. That is why Paul had to point out in 1 Timothy 4:1-3 that forbidding marriage is a doctrine of demons. As I pointed out last week in 1 Corinthians 7, though Paul advocates the advantages of remaining single to them in view of their “present distress,” to view singleness as spiritually superior and forbid marriage is demonic. As Paul states in 1 Cor. 7:7, “each man has his own gift from God, one this way, and another that.” Both singleness and marriage is a gift from God, but to each according to God’s will. God’s declaration about human physical intimacy between a husband and wife is that it is very good because it is according to His design (Genesis 1:31).
◘ Other Scriptures not only also declare God’s approval of sexual intimacy in marriage, but declare it to be a source of pleasure. Ecclesiastes 9:9 makes a general statement, “Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.” A good marriage is to be one of God’s blessings upon humanity. Solomon is even very pragmatic about this in Ecclesiastes 4:9-11, 9 “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. 10 For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. 11 Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?” Song of Solomon is more direct as a poetic declaration of the blessing of marital love between Solomon and his Shulammite wife. It is neither lewd or licentious, but it is descriptive enough that it had been listed with the antileomena – disputed books – on the ground it lacked spiritual value. It is a book for the married, not the unmarried.
◘ Solomon succinctly expressed the virtues of marital love in Proverbs 5:15-19, 15 “Drink water from your own cistern And fresh water from your own well. 16 Should your springs be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? 17 Let them be yours alone And not for strangers with you. 18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.” And lest you think only Solomon speaks of this, Genesis 26:8 describes Isaac “caressing his wife Rebekah” in such a way that when king Abimelech saw it he called Isaac and declared to him, “Behold, certainly she is your wife!”
◘ Sexual intimacy is to be a normal part of marriage with Paul declaring in 1 Corinthians 7:3–6, 3 “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command.” That is fairly blunt, but it does express the importance of the physical relationship within the marriage. The married couple might abstain from their normal love life by mutual agreement for a time for the purpose of devoting that time to prayer, but then they are to come together again. Other things that may also cause abstaining are sickness, injury, physical maladies and unavoidable separation due to responsibilities that require husband and wife to be in different places at the same time – military deployment, job assignment, ministry missions, family needs, etc. Paul’s point is that physical intimacy is to be a normal part of married life. Celibacy in marriage, as advocated by some as a superior spiritual condition, is contrary to God’s design, and increases the temptations of immorality.
◘ Note here as well the emphasis Paul makes that life is not about yourself. The husband and wife do not have authority over their own bodies, that belongs to the spouse. So much for the modern claim, “my body, my choice.” It is your body, my body; my body, your body, our choice. The couple has to be concerned for one another.
◘ There is no question that God’s design for sexual fulfillment is best. I have seen many secular polls over the decades and consistently they have shown that it is committed Christians that have the best fulfillment in this area. Why? Because it is God’s reward for following His design. The commitment a husband and wife make to each other enables security to be there so that they can be completely vulnerable to each other and completely safe. They learn that the joy of giving pleasure is greater than fulfilling a quest to gain it for yourself, but then isn’t that just an expression of true love in making the other person more important than yourself and sacrificing for their best interest? That describes the roles given in Ephesians 5 about love and respect and marriage being a reference to Christ and the church.
◘ Paul points out twice that marriage is a preventative to immorality. As I pointed out last week from 1 Corinthians 7:1 & 9, if a man and a woman lack self-control, it is better for them to marry than to burn with passion and risk immorality. That is not the best reason for marriage, but it is legitimate. Such a couple needs to be prepared that there will be some hard work to develop the relationship into what it is supposed to be after they are married. That could make the early part of their marriage rough, but if they will pursue God’s design for marriage, they will be blessed by God as they mature. And as pointed out earlier, physical intimacy as a normal part of married life is a strong preventative to the temptations of immorality.
◘Perverting What is Good
As with so many other things, sin arises from the perversion of something God has created as good. Human sexuality is a prime example of this. God created it as very good, but man perverts it to seek fulfillment outside the bounds of God’s design and declared will.
◘ Selfishness is the primary motivation that perverts sexual intimacy both within and without marriage. Sinners want what they want with little or no concern for others, and as the mind becomes more depraved, so do the actions that correspond to such thinking.
Perversion within marriage begins with treating the spouse as a sex object that exists for gaining selfish pleasure instead of a person who is to be loved and cherished. There is truth in the idea that marital problems will come out in the bedroom because it is difficult to be vulnerable and yield yourself to your spouse when you are in conflict or emotionally estranged. When problems do show up, that is the opportunity to show true love by talking through the troubles, praying, seeking godly counsel and solutions, and then come back together. As you prove your true love, your spouse is freed up to express and receive physical expressions of that love. Being unselfish will improve your love life while selfishness will hinder it.
◘ The perversions of selfishness ramp up when actions are demanded with which the spouse is uncomfortable, disagrees with, or may cause injury. It is neither loving nor respectful to ever demand of your spouse, exploit your spouse, or do anything physically or emotionally harmful to your spouse. Husband and wife should tell each other what they like and do not like, but if either is uncomfortable with something , then the answer is NO, and no further demand is to be made. The focus needs to be on pleasing your spouse within godly boundaries instead of gaining pleasure for yourself.
◘ Many sexual practices which are now advocated and thought to be normal are driven by the perversions of pornography. None of these are proper because they are selfish exploitations of the spouse instead of being loving and respectful. Those that go down this path descend into ever greater perversions, exploitation and harm of the partner. A spouse may say NO. A wife does not have to submit and participate in what is sinful or a perversion. Submission is always to God first.
Before giving further warning about the sexual practices which God declares to be abominations that have become common in our society, I want to quickly address the dangers of pornography.
◘Perversions of the Mind
There is a common idea now prevalent in our society that pornography is victimless, so it is no big deal and its legalization should be broadened. The U.S. Supreme Court has agreed to hear the case of Free Speech Coalition vs. Paxton in which the plaintiff will argue that Texas law requiring age verification for pornographic platforms is “invasive and burdensome, with significant privacy risks for adult consumers.” The steps taken in the Regan administration to curb pornography were quickly ignored and then reversed in the Clinton administration and made worse in later administrations so that pornography is now pervasive. It is an industry that generates billions of dollars – and money talks in the halls of government.
◘ No victims? Who is not victimized by it? In a sometimes futile effort to keep it from creeping into your home you have to have channel blockers on your television, screening software on all of your computer devises, and an email program that has to be continually trained to block and send such garbage to the trash bin. Those who were used in producing it – women, men and also children – were certainly victimized and will continue to be the rest of their lives since the images of them are out in the nebulous “cloud” of stored data. Those who look at it are victimized as their minds are twisted to accept perversion as normal. Wives are victimized as their husbands compare them unfavorably to images that are either manipulated or completely fake. Men and woman are victimized as living in reality is exchanged for living in fantasy. This gets bad enough that some porn addicts become incapable of experiencing a normal sexual relationship because of the demand for some particular fetish they have developed.
◘ There is an idea advocated that sexual desires that remain in the mind are not sinful. This would excuse pornography from being utterly sinful, which it is. This idea is also the basis for the claim that someone can have a homosexual orientation but not be in sin as long as they do not physically act on those desires. Jesus states the opposite. Sin exists in the heart before it is expressed in action.
There are many sins of the mind including coveting and immoral lust. In Matthew 15:19 Jesus made it clear that it is out of the heart that evil thoughts and actions come including adultery and fornication. Jesus was specific in Matthew 5:28 that to lust for someone who is not your spouse is to commit adultery in your heart. That makes it clear that pornography is utterly sinful for by its very definition it is material intended to stimulate sexual excitement. If heterosexual lust is sinful is there any means to claim perverted lust is then okay? Absolutely not! Sexual lust – strong desire – outside the bonds of marriage between a biological male and female is sinful.
◘ Another class of victims of pornography are Christians, both men and women, who have been addicted to it or dabbled in it enough to feel unworthy to serve the Lord. Their guilt not only hinders them in the pursuit of holiness, but it can drag them down into the pit of despair. Or worse, it takes someone that has risen to become a church leader and it destroys their credibility, their ministry and themselves. Pornography is a common issue in causing marital problems and often is the gateway drug to acts of infidelity leading to divorce.
◘ What do you do? Certainly you begin by building up every kind hedge that you can around you to keep it out. Set parental controls to block the foul stuff from your entertainment choices. Use internet filters and blockers on all your computer devices including your smart phone. Use accountability software and accountability relationships so that others can encourage you and admonish you as needed. Keep your computer screens facing outward where others can see them. That includes smart phones. Your accountability partner should have full access to see what you have been viewing on your computer and smart phone. Those are all important ways to strive to keep from being conformed to this world, ◘but the primary and most important is having your mind transformed by God’s word and the Holy Spirit. God’s word will keep you from sin, and sin will keep you from God’s word. Choose which will get your attention. And while it is next to impossible to get an image out of your mind once it has lodged there, it is very possible to diminish its recall by filling your mind as Paul states in Philippians 4:8 to think on what is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good repute, virtuous and praiseworthy. The solution to pollution is dilution. That applies to the mind as well.
◘ Proverbs gives much practical advice on avoiding the temptations of immorality. This begins with a call in Proverbs 4:20-27 to diligently walk in wisdom and be on guard for the deadly dangers that will be faced. Keep your eyes focused forward to not be distracted by the temptations. Job even made a covenant with his eyes in this regard (Job 31:1). Proverbs 5-7 gives warnings about the nature and dangers of the harlot and encouragement to find sexual satisfaction only in your spouse. In essence, keep your eyes where they belong, do not look for or listen to the voice of temptation, run away from the traps being set for you, go home and preserve your life. (See: Proverbs on Avoiding Sexual Sin – Proverbs 5, 6 & 7)
◘Perversions of Relationships & Actions
Perversions of God’s original design for marriage and human sexuality began fairly quickly. Only seven generations after Adam, Lamech took two wives. By Genesis 6, only two generations later the wickedness of man is described as “every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” God destroyed the world than then was with a flood. By the time of Abraham, ten generations after Noah, the sins of Sodom & Gomorrah which included aggressive homosexuality were so great that God destroyed them by fire and brimstone. The daughters of Lot, Abraham’s nephew, got him drunk and started the tribes of Moab and Ammon through an incestuous relationship with him. The Canaanite tribes became known for their debauchery and sexual morality so the Mosaic Law commanded the Israelites not to live as they did.
◘ Leviticus 18 gives specific restrictions on sexual relationships beginning with laws of consanguinity – too near a relationship. These include the father, mother, step-mother, sister, niece, aunts, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law and grand-daughters (vs. 6-17). All of those plus marrying two sisters or a mother and her daughter are all declared to be lewdness (vs. 18), a specific form of wickedness of immoral or shameful behavior. Adultery with a neighbor’s wife is defiling – unclean (20). Offering children to Molech profanes the name of Yahweh (21). Sodomy is an abomination – detestable, object of loathing (22). Bestiality is a perversion – a violation of nature (23). These were reasons the Canaanite peoples were judged by God and “spewed out of the land” (24-28). All of these practices are called abominations and those who did them were to be cut off from the people (29-30). Since Deuteronomy 22:5 prohibits cross dressing as an abomination to Yahweh, what then does God think of transvestites and transsexuals?
◘ Other places in the Mosaic Law give greater details and punishments of these sins. Adultery, homosexuality, bestiality and some forms of incest were all punishable by death, (Lev. 20:10-16; Deut. 22:22). Depending on the exact circumstances, fornication could result in death or forced marriage (Deut. 22:23-25). Harlotry could also result in execution (Lev. 21:9).
◘ These Mosaic Laws are important to us as Christians because they explain what Jews meant by the term porneia, the general term for sexual sin in the New Testament. That is the term Jesus uses in Matthew 5:3 and 19:9 concerning divorce. Paul also lists some of these same sins in general and specific in Romans 1:24-27; 1 Cor. 6:9-10, Ephesians 5:5 with the later verses stating such people are excluded from the kingdom of Heaven. While some of these sexual sins are more depraved than others, all of them are serious perversions of God’s original design for human sexual intimacy with serious consequences in both the present and in eternity. There are a host of terrible diseases that are very common among those that practice these perversions but which monogamous couples never get. No wonder Paul warned that the immoral man sins against his own body (1 Cor. 6:18), their bodies would be dishonored (Rom. 1:24) and would receive in their own persons the due penalty of their error (Rom. 1:27). Proverbs 5:8-11 warned those enticed by the harlot that they would lose their vigor, their hard earned goods and their flesh and body would be consumed.
In a logical world the danger of STD’s would stifle immorality, but most are ignorant of the dangers until they get a disease, and even if warnings are known the individual thinks the risks are small or there is an easy medical treatment for it – which is not true for many of these diseases. The reality is that unless a person fears God, they will foolishly pursue their lustful desires regardless of temporal or eternal risks. Wisdom begins with the fear of God.
◘The Good News
The good news is that God changes sinners to saints through conviction of sin to repent and believe in the person and work of the Lord Jesus Christ. Even the depraved are converted into something radically different. ◘ That is why Paul can say in 1 Corinthians 6:11 after including some of these sexual sins in his list of those that will not inherit the kingdom of God that “Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.”
Don’t fall for the siren song of our age that claims being sexually active is necessary for a full life, and that sexual freedom is to do whatever you want with whomever is willing to do it with you. That is not freedom. It is terrible bondage to sin with severe consequences. While marital intimacy is a wonderful part of marriage, it is only part. You do not have to be sexually active to have a very fulfilling life. There are many Scriptural examples of this. Freedom comes through faith in Christ who changes us and enables us to live according God’s design and reap the blessings that flow as a consequence of living in righteousness – whether married or single.
(Related Sermons: Gods Design for Human Sexuality; Unrighteousness in Homosexuality – Romans 1:26-27)
Sermon Notes – 10/20/2024
Marriage: Physical Intimacy – Selected Scriptures
Introduction – this Is Not a Sermon for Children
A Depraved Society
Romans 1:18–32
A three step descent
U.S. historical steps downward to depravity
As man turns away from God, he pursues lower levels of depravity
God’s Wonderful Design for Human Sexuality
Creation of Adam & Eve
Singleness not spiritually superior to marriage
God’s approval of sexual intimacy in marriage. Eccl. 9:9; 4:9-11; Song of Solomon
Proverbs 5:15-19 – pleasure
1 Corinthians 7:3–6 – normal
Dual ownership – 1 Cor. 7:4
Committed Christians more satisfied
Preventative to immorality
Perverting What is Good
Selfishness is the primary motivation that perverts sexual intimacy both within and without marriage
Selfish in the bedroom
Saying NO
Perversions of the Mind
Victims of pornography
Sins of desire
Guilty Christians
Building / planting hedges
Do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind
Practical advice from Proverbs
Perversions of Relationships & Actions
Developing degeneracy
Leviticus 18
Punishments for sexual sins
Porneia & its consequences
The Good News
1 Corinthians 6:11
THINK ABOUT IT – Questions to consider in understanding the sermon and its application.
How have you seen the depravity of American Society increase? Why has this happened? Apply Rom. 1:18-32 to America. What is God’s wonderful design for human sexuality? Is sexual intimacy in marriage holy or dirty? Explain. Is singleness spiritually superior to marriage? Explain. What are God’s purposes for sexual intimacy in marriage? Why is selfishness a primary motivation that perverts sexual intimacy? How does selfishness hinder godly & enjoyable sexual intimacy in marriage? How does unselfishness improve it? Where does sin start in a person? Who are the victims of pornography? How can you protect yourself from pornography? Why are the lists and laws against sexual perversions important to the Christian today? Do monogamous couples get STD’s? What are some of the physical consequences of participating in sexual perversions? How does God make a sinner a saint? What hope is there for those that have been caught up in sexual perversions?
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