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Pastor Scott L. Harris
Grace Bible Church, NY
September 1, 2024
◘ Marriage: Communication Skills – 7: Causes of Conflict, D
More Behavior Issues – Selected Scriptures
Review
This will be the last sermon on communication that has been part of the sermon series on Marriage. The principles we have examined apply to all relationships but are especially important in marriage since that should be the closest human relationship you develop. The tragedy is that so many marriages including among those who profess to be Christians end up breaking apart or the couple becomes more distant from each other over time instead of closer. ◘ God has given many instructions on how to treat one other as well as commands concerning the roles of a husband and wife in a marriage. Ultimately, His design for marriage includes it being a reflection of Christ and the church. Those that do not follow God’s design might still be able to have a pleasant and functional marriage, yet they will never know the blessing that could have been theirs if they had done so. Communication skills are part of that since they are founded on a premise of being unselfish and placing high value on the other person which makes it well worth the effort to strive to be clearly understood in what you are trying to communicate and even more so to strive to clearly understand what the other person is trying to communicate. Good communication skills go a long way in avoiding the misunderstandings that are the cause of so many conflicts, so do the necessary work to learn and practice good communication skills (link)
◘ 
This will be the final time I will be showing this diagram modified from the “Before you say, ‘I Do,’” workbook by Norm Wright which shows the various responses to conflict in the interaction of the comparative value placed on the relationship and the particular issue at hand. High values result in an effort to resolve the conflict. Low values for both result in a withdraw from the conflict. A low value for the issue combined with high value for the relationship results in a yield. A win is pursued if the issue is much more important than the relationship. Most conflicts are a mixture falling into the area of compromise in which neither party is completely satisfied, but the compromise is within the range of acceptability to both.
◘ Your values and priorities determine your response to conflict. Those responses will be godly to the degree your values and priorities match the Lord’s and your manner and attitude reflects a spiritually mature walk with the Lord.
◘ Sin is the root cause of all conflict and its accompanying foolishness. It is usually aggravated by pride which is the original sin and one of the three major areas in which we can be tempted. ◘Humility is the solution to pride and a necessary element to bring about repentance and faith in the person and work of the Lord Jesus which is the solution to sin. (See: Communication – Resolving Conflict))
◘ The solution to issues related to lack of knowledge and being naive is to gain knowledge of the truth and follow it which will also help defend against foolish counsel, but you also need to develop close friendships with wise, godly people to be your confidants, counselors and encouragers. Proverbs 13:20 both commends and warns, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm,” so withdraw from those who pursue foolishness. (See: Communication, Part 4 – Causes of Conflict))
Humility that results in repentance from sin and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ results in His righteousness being imputed to you, ◘so conversion to be a new creation in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17) is also the solution to character issues such as being selfish, self-righteous, stubborn, critical, quarrelsome and wicked. Righteousness increases in its practical manifestations as you continue on in walking in the Spirit in obedience to Christ as His disciple. You develop qualities such as being selfless, reasonable, an encourager, a peace-maker and good. When your standards are set according to God’s word instead of man’s musings, you will be better able to put into practice the commandments in 1 Thessalonians 5:14, “We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” (See: Communication, Part 5)
Last week we looked at behavioral issues of being temperamental, harsh, hateful, demanding, contentious, nagging and manipulative. (See: Communication, Part 6) ◘Solutions to behavior must go beyond just changing the actions to changing the heart from which the behavior arises. Jesus warned in Mark 7:21–23, 21 “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, 22 deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. 23 “All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.” Behavior reveals the heart.
◘ The root of being demanding, contentious and nagging is selfishness, so the solution is to become unselfish which in turn takes us back to the necessity of humility which is the foundation for all unselfish behavior. You must value the other person more than yourself just as we are commanded in Philippians 2:3-8 with Jesus as the example of that humility. Manipulation adds in elements of deceit and lying which requires repentance from those sins as well as selfishness to become selfless and giving.
Being temperamental, harsh or hateful demonstrate greater levels of foolishness. If any of these are a problem for you, then the solution begins with recognizing your sin and turning from it to follow Jesus. You will need a change of heart before there will be a change of attitude and action. You are then transformed by the renewing of your mind which occurs as you learn God’s word and follow it.
◘ If you are married to such a person, you have to keep your focus on fulfilling your God given role in the marriage and glorifying God in the midst of it while striving to make the best of it. There is still success and fulfillment in pleasing God by obeying Him even when married to a difficult person.
This morning we are going to look at actions related to being neglectful, indifferent, unfair, indiscrete, shameful and unfaithful. These are much worse than what we have already talked about, and none of these should ever be true of Christians. Yet, there will be Christians who are married to such sinful people so we need to understand how to deal with them and give hope. We also need to point those who have any of these traits to the solution that will enable them to change.
◘ Neglect and Indifference
The origin of a spouse’s neglect could be from several different sources or a combination of them. There are those who are ignorant about their actual role in the marriage and honestly think they are doing what they are supposed to do. ◘This is commonly seen in men who think their role is to provide the paycheck after which they can then pursue whatever other interest they may have. However, God’s role for the husband is to live with his wife according to knowledge and sacrificially love her in pursuit of her holiness (Eph. 5, 1 Peter 3:7). He also has to be diligent in teaching his children to know and love God (Deut. 6). Providing for the material needs of his family is only a part of demonstrating fulfilling his God given roll in his family.
◘ This kind of ignorant neglect can also be seen in some wives and especially after they have children. There are some women who seem to think the purpose of their husband is to supply the funding so they can pursue their personal interests. More common are those who after they are married turn their focus to the house and kids to the neglect of the husband. However, the God given role for the wife is to follow, respect and learn to love her husband (Eph. 5, 1 Peter 3, Titus 2). Being a worker at home and caring for the children are only part of her God given role in following the lead of her husband. After the Lord, he is to be her first priority.
The solution for neglect caused by ignorance is to turn into wisdom’s house and partake of the feast she has prepared (Proverbs 9:1-6). Learn your God given role and how to fulfill it instead of the one you have assumed due to family or societal traditions. You will have to help one other with this. Husbands, you need to show the way by leading your family spiritually so they will know what God wants. Also, be sure to get your wife out of the mommy role on occasion. Get a babysitter if you need one, but take her out where you are not going to be interrupted and talk about how each of you is really doing. Open yourself up to talk about your ideas about how to overcome current frustrations and also your dreams for the future as well. You both need to pursue your roles in having your marriage demonstrate the relationship between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:32).
◘ Wives, you will need to show interest in those things in which your husband is involved and in what interests him. Learn to encourage him to step out in the direction of his dreams and keep encouraging him even when he hits snags, roadblocks or fails in that pursuit. There is a truth to the idea that great men accomplish great things because they have wives that are great at encouraging them through their failures.
◘ Neglect can also arise from selfishness and its related sins in which case it becomes indifference. The husband or wife may know what God requires, but they do not pursue it. This could be somewhat benign having its origin in laziness, or it could be malignant having its origin in being uncaring or even cold-hearted.
◘ Laziness is easier to deal with only because there is the possibility of finding ways to motivate someone who is lazy. Proverbs 6:6-10 calls on the lazy person to “Go to the ant, O sluggard, Observe her ways and be wise,” and then warns about the consequences of continued laziness. Even a person’s selfishness can become the cause of motivation to get them moving in order to get what they want. While that is not a godly motivation, at least it gets their behavior on track and moving in the right direction.
◘ The indifference of the uncaring and cold-hearted is much more difficult. Both are serious sins in need of repentance for without a change of heart there will be no change of action by such an unloving person because the attitude is reflective of a depraved mind (Romans 1:28-32). Proverbs 8:33-36 concludes that chapter’s personification of wisdom with a warning to such foolish people to “Heed instruction and be wise, And do not neglect [it]” then continuing on to say that those who find wisdom “finds life, And obtains favor from the Lord. 36 “But he who sins against me injures himself; All those who hate me love death.”
◘ If you are married to someone who is neglectful, then find positive ways to encourage your spouse to learn their God given role. That begins with you fulfilling your role. If you are married to someone who is lazy, then don’t be lazy yourself, but find positive ways to motivate them. If you are married to an indifferent, cold-hearted, unloving spouse, then be diligent to pray for your spouse’s repentance and salvation while continuing to fulfill your role in the marriage as a means to fulfill God’s commands to you and please Him. You are glorifying God by doing so even when your life situation is frustrating and you feel like a failure. Your presence sanctifies your spouse and may be used of God to bring your mate to salvation (1 Cor. 7:13-14, 16). God measures success differently than man because He looks at the motivations of the heart.
◘Unfair
The idea of being unfair could be taken in many different directions because we live in a time when people easily proclaim something to be unfair when it is actually simply a matter of jealousy. They think it is unfair that someone else would have what they would like – material things, skills, friends, position in life, etc. Such jealousy is an evil that is the basis of class warfare which is then fueled by politicians exploiting it to their own advantage.
◘ According to Webster’s Dictionary, our word “fair” comes from a Gothic word meaning either “to be content” or “to make something pretty.” From those two usages many additional meanings developed including what is of concern here – “just and honest; impartial; unprejudiced,” “according to the rules.” ◘In other words, fairness is not a concept that can be applied to the outcomes, but only to the process. It is fair when everyone plays by the same rules, not when everyone has the same outcome. In fact, if the results are equal, then the process was not fair. Try to imagine a sport in which every game must end in a tie score regardless of who is playing.
◘ Life is more complex than a sport for everyone has many different variables that will determine outcome including family background, natural abilities, acquired skills and character qualities. Of the four, character is the most important. ◘There are plenty of people who have come from prestigious families, had good natural ability, and were highly educated to give them good skills, yet it was all squandered because of their poor character. On the opposite end of the spectrum are those who came from dishonorable families, had many handicaps instead of natural ability, and received a poor education so skill development was also lacking, yet because of their good character and diligence they succeeded. Consider the contrast in these Proverbs. Proverbs 10:4, “Poor is he who works with a negligent hand, But the hand of the diligent makes rich.” Proverbs 11:27, “He who diligently seeks good seeks favor, But he who searches after evil, it will come to him.” Proverbs 13:4, “The soul of the sluggard craves and [gets] nothing, But the soul of the diligent is made fat.” Proverbs 21:5, “The plans of the diligent [lead] surely to advantage, But everyone who is hasty [comes] surely to poverty.”
What does all this have to do with fairness and having a good marriage? ◘ First, life does not give everyone equal family backgrounds, natural abilities or acquired skills, so to expect equal outcome is ridiculous as well as foolish. ◘Second, God has not given you the same roles in your marriage, or the specifics of life, so to expect the other to share equally in what is your God given responsibility is also absurd and foolish. ◘Third, which is related to the first two, a godly marriage is not a contract or partnership – it is a covenant. It is a promise to fulfill your God given role and responsibilities irrespective of the other person.
The husband is to love and cherish. The wife is to respect and submit. They are both to fulfill their role before God even if the other does not. ◘Fairness is a matter of godliness, not equality. It is love, self-sacrifice and faithfulness to the promises made. Consider the conditions set in common marriage vows – for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. ◘Is it then unfair if it turns out for worse, for poorer and in sickness? Of course not. Those were the promises made, yet it is common to hear the complaint that anything less than better, richer and health is not fair, and then that become the excuse for abandonment or divorce.
◘ Biblical fairness is equity (Hebrew, mîshôr / meeshore’ and mêshār /mayshawr respectively). It is being upright, straight, on the level. It is tied to righteousness and the manner of judgment (Psalm 9:8; Isaiah 11:4). Proverbs 1:3 tells us that a purpose of the book of Proverbs is to give instruction in righteousness, justice and equity with Proverbs 2:9 adding that wisdom from the Lord will give discernment in righteousness, justice, equity and every good path. Such equity in a marriage would be seen in being upright in character and actions. You will live according to godliness and treat your spouse accordingly.
◘ [A quick note on the word equity. Leftist speech advocating “DEI” (Diversity, Equity & Inclusion) has turned the meaning of this word on its head. Its original meaning of “the quality of being fair and impartial” is flipped by them use the word in reference to equal outcomes which is inherently partial and unfair].
◘ Unfairness in a marriage will be harmful because it sides with wickedness instead of righteousness, with selfishness instead of loving sacrifice, with self-righteousness instead of humility and compassion. I have found that those who are unfair, that is, someone who is not upright and equitable, are quick to make judgments based on their limited knowledge. ◘That should be a folly and shame to them (Proverbs 18:13; John 7:24), but is it rarely recognized because they are so focused on blaming or “correcting” the other person. I have also found that more often than not, the one making the accusation is usually the one that is unfair, not the one being accused.
Finally, if you still think that fairness is related to equality, then using that definition I am here to tell you today that it is time for you to face reality. ◘Life is not “fair” nor can it be “fair” as long as there is sin. Grow up, get over it and move on. If you focus on being a blessing to others instead of a curse, especially to your spouse, not only will your life be happier, but you will help people instead of hinder them along the way. Put your focus on what you can give to the relationship instead of what you can get out of it. Or as I said in an earlier sermon, learn to be the dog that gives in the relationship instead of the parasitic tick sucking the life out of the other.
◘ Consider what it would be like if Jesus had lived His life based on such a perverted idea of fairness? Jesus would have forsaken the cross, for the righteous paying the price of the sin penalty for the unrighteous would be the epitome of unfairness. If God was “fair” in that sense, no one would go to heaven. I am thankful that God is instead loving, merciful, forgiving and gracious. That is what I strive to be as a reflection of Him in my life. He calls you to do the same.
The next three areas of foolishness cause lots of conflicts and are very destructive to marriage and family with each successive area arising from the previous.
◘Indiscrete
In Proverbs the word discretion (mezimmâ / mezimmaw’) is a characteristic of wisdom (Proverbs 8:12). It carries the idea of giving careful consideration before making decisions and planning how to fulfill a purpose. A purpose of Proverbs is to teach youth knowledge and discretion (Proverbs 1:4). Such discretion will guard you (Proverbs 2:11). In Proverbs 3:21 and 5:2 the father implores his son not to let wisdom and discretion depart from his sight.
◘ To be indiscrete is the opposite. It acts on whims, is carried away by the moment, can be oblivious to the surroundings, and does not consider the possible consequences. That leads to all sorts of problems.
Another word (ta’am / tah’am) has a very different root meaning (to taste), but is also translated as discretion because of the similarity in its usage to convey the idea of evaluation and decision. It is used in Proverbs 31:8 in a positive sense describing the valuable woman, “She senses (tastes) that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night.” ◘However, Proverbs 11:22 describes a woman of opposite character, “[As] a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, [So is] a beautiful woman who lacks discretion.” While there is a component here about outward appearance, the actual comparison is about character. The ring of gold compares to the beautiful woman while the swine’s snout compares to her lack of discernment. A ring of gold is valuable and pretty, but put it in the ugly nose of a pig and that value and beauty is lost. The same is true for a woman that presents herself as physically beautiful. Her attractiveness quickly departs when her character becomes known by her indiscretion. What she says and how she acts will usually quickly reveal the selfishness, and given enough time will also expose her wickedness.
◘ We live in a society that celebrates physical beauty. The fashion industry is built around ways to flaunt whatever natural assets you have while trying to hide what may not be so attractive. That strategy may work for the ungodly, but the godly see through it quickly. The godly understand Proverbs 31:30, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, [But] a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” A pretty girl with a vile tongue is repulsive to the godly man, but so is a woman who may have a charming personality, but dresses like a harlot. That brings up the next foolish characteristic.
◘Shameful
The hope for someone that is indiscrete is that they may learn and mature to become wise and have discretion. ◘If they do not, then they can easily slide down into being shameful. Proverbs 12:4, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames [him] is as rottenness in his bones” and Proverbs 13:5, “A righteous man hates falsehood, But a wicked man acts disgustingly and shamefully.”
Shame is the grief and guilt that is caused by the exposure of what is inappropriate, disgraceful, dishonorable or sinful. ◘Our society has for the most part lost its sense of shame. People will now even proudly flaunt their blatant sin without remorse. However, what they think is just fun, games and laughter is a serious matter before God and something that is extremely damaging to a marriage.
◘ The contrast in Proverbs 12:4 is an issue of character and trust. The excellent wife can be trusted because of her good character as explained in detail in Proverbs 31:10-31 and so she brings honor and glory to her husband and home. The wife that has a wicked character will bring dishonor upon her husband and family by her own immorality and imprudence. She is like a disease in his bones. Proverbs 13:5 is more direct in stating that actions of a wicked man are shameful causing dishonor, humiliation and embarrassment that is a stench to others.
◘ Such shame can arise from any sin that becomes known by others. Because the husband and wife are joined together, the sin of one will have an effect on the reputation of the other. Any actions of foolishness such as displays of pride, selfishness or wickedness bring dishonor. Improper speech, immoral behavior and indiscretions will bring disgrace. ◘Refusal to live within God’s design and commands will bring shame. While feelings of guilt and remorse will be affected by societal standards since the conscience can be trained and even seared by what is taught in society, the actual shamefulness of something is determined by God. Let me give you some examples.
The waves of feminism in our culture has perverted our ideas about the proper God given roles of both men and women. Many churches, even some that claim to be Bible teaching and believing, now believe that it is proper for women to become pastors. Many of these would say I am a male chauvinist for even trying to interpret and apply in a literal manner such passages such as 1 Corinthians 11:3; 14:34-35; 1 Timothy 2:9-15; and 3:1-13. ◘They may have persuaded themselves that God approves of women pastors, but every woman pastoring a church brings shame upon the men in it for she exposes their failure to rise up and lead as God commands them. And if she was as godly as she thinks she is, she would find a man she could encourage to take the lead even as Aquila and Priscilla did with Apollos (Acts 18:26).
The styles of clothing that are acceptable to American society have changed now to the point where to be in fashion, ladies nearly have to dress as only harlots and Hollywood did at one time. ◘Women may not feel ashamed of their fashion, but they should. Such women are a cause of great confusion to men for they flaunt their assets and then are upset when some man answers their advertisement. Ladies, do not be surprised about the type of man you will attract by the manner of your dress. A wife that dresses immodestly opens herself up to the improper advances of other men and shames her husband. The scriptures are very clear about the importance of modesty for all people and especially for women (1 Timothy 2:9-10, 1 Peter 3:3-5). We have handouts on modesty in the back of the church designed to help you think through the issue so that you will dress in a manner pleasing to the Lord.
◘Unfaithful
It is never surprising when indiscretion and then shameful behavior finally results in unfaithfulness. That is simply the culmination of what has been in the heart for a long time. Proverbs gives many warnings about the adulterous woman, but the principles apply just as much to adulterous men. They may speak smoothly (5:3; 6:24) and work hard to tempt (7:10-21), but those who commit adultery lack sense and are on the path of destruction (6:32). However, if you will follow wisdom, she will protect and deliver you from such evil (2:16; 6:24).
◘ Unfaithfulness in marriage more often than not will destroy it. According to Matthew 5:32 and 19:9, it is the only cause of divorce that does not result in adultery for the innocent spouse. With true repentance, adultery can be forgiven and the marriage healed, but even with that it is very difficult and it is the exceptional spouse that can overcome the hurt and disloyalty. If lying is a wrecking ball to the home, and you can be sure there is a lot of lying that goes on in the pursuit of adultery. Unfaithfulness is a demolition bomb. It takes a lot of patience and tenacity to clean up the mess and rebuild the home.
Tragically, by the time most people reach the point of being unfaithful, they have already turned their back on God and His commands. ◘Proverbs 2:17 points out this characteristic in the adulteress that “leaves the companion of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her God.” It is a small step from there to a seared conscience that does not even recognize the sin as Proverbs 30:20 demonstrates, “This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, And says, ‘I have done no wrong.’”
What is the solution to adultery and fornication? ◘First recognize that both are forms of unfaithfulness. Adultery is unfaithfulness to the present spouse while fornication is unfaithfulness to any future spouse and both are unfaithfulness to the Lord. ◘The best solution is to walk in the ways of wisdom and never get near it (Proverbs 5:8). Keep your eyes fixed on your own spouse as is advocated in Proverbs 5:15-21. If it is something you have been tempted by but have not yet fallen, then the solution is heed wisdom’s many warnings and flee (See also 1 Corinthians 6:18 and 2 Timothy 2:22). ◘ If it is something into which you have already stumbled, then genuine repentance is required. You must change your mind and see the unfaithfulness for the evil it really is and then turn from it, seek the Lord’s forgiveness and then the forgiveness of everyone else damaged by it – your spouse, other family members, and probably many friends too. And as strange as this may sound, you also need the forgiveness of the person with whom you sinned and their family. True repentance is described well in Psalm 51. It is completely humble, takes full responsibility, desires to be transformed and so seeks to make things right while warning others of falling into sin.
◘Conclusions
Good communication is difficult enough without sinful characteristics and their corresponding behaviors twisting it, leading it astray, or even shutting it down. The selfishness that underlies so many sinful attitudes and behaviors will not strive for clear communication because the other person is not valued enough for the effort. They only have the need to communicate enough to get what they want by whatever means is necessary. Deceit, lying, manipulation and intimidation are simply tools for them to win their selfish quests, and if those sinful quests become unachievable, then withdrawal and neglect descending into indifference will be the path. Sin leads to more and greater sin which destroys relationship that were once close and loving.
◘ What is the solution? The solution to all sinful beliefs, attitudes and the behaviors they produce is conviction of the sin and turning away from it to have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and follow Him resulting in a conversion of the heart to pursue righteousness. Without such salvation the final destination will be eternal damnation with a path strewn with destruction along the way there. Praise God that by His grace He offers such salvation through faith in Jesus Christ.
◘ Christians need to be humble by examining themselves for their own failings, repent and make the appropriate changes. In dealing with a sinful spouse, keep your focus on fulfilling your God given role to please Him and be a witness to your spouse. Be godly, prayerful, patient and forgiving in following the example of the Lord Jesus.
Sermon Notes – September 1, 2024
Marriage: Communication Skills Part 7 – Causes of Conflict D
Review
Good communication skills are necessary for a good marriage and both require _________& being unselfish
What you ___________will determine how you respond to a conflict
Sin is the root cause of all conflict & the foolishness it brings to life – and _________aggravates them
Humility is the solution to pride and salvation by ________in Jesus Christ is the solution to sin
Gaining knowledge of the _______& wise counsel are the solutions to ignorance, naivete & foolish counsel
The solution to character issues begins with ____________to become a new creation in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17)
Behavioral issues reveal the ________(Mark 7:21-13), so the heart must be changed & not just the behavior
Humility, being _________and considering others as more important (Phil. 2:3-4) are foundational qualities
Keep your focus on pleasing ________& fulfilling the role He has given you when in conflict with others
Neglect and Indifference
Ignorance and wrong example / teaching can result in __________while thinking you are doing what is right
A husband’s role includes leading his wife in holiness & diligence in teaching children, not just __________
Wives, do not let personal desires & children __________your role to follow, respect & love your husband
Husbands & wives need to show interest in each other & each others interests, and be ______________
Neglect due to ___________& its related sins can become indifference of laziness, uncaring, or cold-hearted
Laziness can be resolved by ___________and application of wisdom
Being uncaring or cold-hearted are serious sins that reflect a ___________mind – repentance is needed
Find positive ways to encourage your spouse to learn his / her God given _______- do not become like them
Unfair – lack of fairness
Much of what people proclaim to be unfair is simply __________on their own part
To be fair is to “be content,” – “just & honest; _____________; unprejudiced,” “according to the rules.”
Fairness can only be applied to the __________, not the outcomes. The latter would be blatantly unfair
Outcome depends on _________of family background, natural abilities, acquired skills & character qualities
_____________is the most important factor in determining outcome – Proverbs 10:4, 11:27, 13:4, 21:5
First, life does not give everyone __________family backgrounds, natural abilities or acquired skills
God has not give you the __________roles in marriage – or in the specifics of life
A godly marriage is not a contract or partnership – it is a ___________promise to fulfill your God given role
Fairness is a matter of _________, not equality. It is love, self-sacrifice & faithfulness to the promises made
It is not __________if it turns out to be for worse, poorer & sickness instead of better, richer & health
Biblical fairness is equity = upright, strait, on the level, the quality of being _________& impartial
(DEI of uses equity with an __________meaning of equal outcomes which is inherently partial and unfair)
Unfairness is harmful because it sides with ____________, selfishness and self-righteousness
The unfair are full of ____& shame making quick judgments and false accusations (Prov. 18:13; John 7:24)
Life is not “fair” nor can it be “fair” as long as there is ______. Grow up, get over it and move on
Be glad that God is longsuffering, merciful, gracious & forgiving instead of “____” or you would be in Hell
Indiscrete – lack of discretion
Discretion is an aspect of _______that gives careful consideration & plans before making decisions & acting
The indiscrete act on whims, are carried away by the moment, do not consider the possible ______________
A woman who would be considered beautiful is made ________by indiscretion (Proverbs 11:22)
Beware, the fashion industry __________ indiscretion which should be repulsive to the godly
Shameful
Indiscretion easily slides down into being shameful – _________of what is inappropriate, disgraceful, sinful
American society has lost its sense of shame in flaunting _____________without remorse – but God judges
Proverbs 12:4 is a contrast in the issue of ______________& trust which will bring either honor or dishonor
Shame can arise from _____________that becomes known by others, and it affects those who are related
____determines what is shameful – any refusal to live within His design – but society can sear the conscience
Feminism demands ___________including women as pastors – but that shames every man present
Women may not feel ashamed of their fashion – but _____________shames her, her husband, her father, etc.
Unfaithful
Unfaithfulness is the culmination of what was in the ____long before – it is a rejection of the promises made
Unfaithfulness in marriage usually _______it – it takes a lot of forgiveness, patience & tenacity to overcome
It is a small step from turning away from God to a __________conscience that refuses to recognize sin
Recognize that fornication & adultery are serious sins of ______________to a future or present spouse
Walk in wisdom to ______it (Prov. 5:8), flee if the temptation arises (2 Tim. 2:22), repent if you have fallen
Recognize it as serious sin, seek the ____________of the Lord, your spouse, family, friends & partner in sin
Conclusions
Good communication is twisted, lead astray & shut down by _________characteristics and behaviors
The solution to all sinful beliefs, attitudes & behaviors beings with becoming a ____creation in Christ Jesus
Christians are be ______, introspective, turn from sin, and be godly, prayerful, patient & forgiving of others
KIDS KORNER
Parents, you are responsible to apply God’s Word to your children’s lives. Here is some help. Young Children – draw a picture about something you hear during the sermon. Explain your picture(s) to your parents at lunch. Older Children – Do one or more of the following: 1) Write down all the verses mentioned in the sermon and look them up later. 2) Talk with your parents about how to overcome any of the bad behaviors mentioned
THINK ABOUT IT!
Questions to consider in discussing the sermon with others. What is the difference between neglect and indifference and what are possible causes of each? What does it mean to be unfair? Why is equality of outcome blatantly unfair? Why is unfairness in a relationship so destructive to it? Is God fair? Explain. What is indiscretion? What does it mean to be shameful? Why can the shame of one person affect others? What is the relationship between neglect, unfairness, indiscretion, shame and unfaithfulness? Examine yourself and consider each of these areas and then actively pursue the solutions to them. Be accountable to at least one other person.
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